ummtaalib

Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Following these basic principles should help any marriage to improve. The essence of them all can be summed up in one sentence: Always treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated Amidst busy schedules and tasks on the parts of both women and men, Muslim husbands and wives tend to forget the real reasons behind marriage and likewise the rights of each other. Subsequently, they deprive themselves, their mates and their children of the happiness and tranquillity that is the bedrock of a successful family. This unbalanced vision towards a couple’s ideal relationship is bad enough to plunge the family into a situation laden with troubles and worries. Negative Relationship between Husband & Wife Some Muslim spouses relate to each other like adversaries rather than life time partners. The husband assumes the position of dictator, and whatever he says is not law. The wife on the other hand feels that she must squeeze everything she can out of her husband. Some wives do not express their gratitude to their husbands irrespective of how much the man may do for her. Instead, they adopt an attitude of ‘never enough’ and make the husband feel like a failure if he does not provide every want and desire their extravagant lifestyles dictate. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in family matters. Moreover, certain husbands become so cold and miserly that even the basic expenditure for the house is difficult to come by. Nikah – A divine institution The Nikah bond has been divinely established for the welfare and upkeep of a healthy and progressive community. This divine prescription has been unjustly utilised as a vehicle to perpetrate oppression, deception, humiliation, and abuse. Allah Ta’ala describes marriage very differently in the Noble Quran: ‘And from his signs are, He created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may live in tranquillity with them, and instilled love and mercy between your (hearts) . . .” (30:21) Head of the Home The position Islam has accorded to the man as the head of the home is a responsibility which will be accounted for, rather than a privilege which should be abused. We are taught to treat our wives well. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has reported to have said: ‘The person possessing the most perfect faith is one who has excellent behaviour, and the best among you are those who are best towards their wives.”(Mishkat) Be Partners in Decision Making Follow the principle of ‘Shura,” (consultation) and make decisions as a family. Implementing this Sunnah within the home increases harmony and love between family members. It will also assist in enhancing trust and loyalty between spouses and the children. Abuse Abstain totally from every form of emotional, mental, or physical abuse to your spouse. Watch Your Words Be very careful what you say when you are upset. The wounds afflicted to the heart of a person by words will never heal and remain a lifelong memory. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. Apply the directives found in the Hadith for suppression of anger. Work Together in the House Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) at times assisted his wives occasionally with household chores. When Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) did not consider the housework trivial, how can we today obligate our wives to all the housework totally and much more? The primary role of the female/wife is wife, mother, homemaker and the primary role of the husband is protector and provider. Communication is Important Talk to each other, communicate, have a dialogue, but do it respectfully. Husbands and wives need to talk to each other. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than to let them pile up until they explode. Live Simply Do not envy or cast your gaze towards those spouses who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. Be pleased with what you have. The grass will always look greener on the other side. The wealthiest person is the one who has attained contentment of heart. To develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Repeatedly thank Allah Ta’ala for the many blessings in your life. Admit Your Mistakes When you make a mistake, admit it. When your mate makes a mistake, excuse him or her easily. If possible, never sleep angry with each other. Past Problems Everything that has happened is history. Repent for the past and live for the future. Do not focus discussion on the past unless it is something that will make both of you laugh. The Duaa for a blissful marriage: rabbana hab lana min azwaajinaa wa zurriyyatina qurrata a-ayuniw waj-alna lil muttaqeena imaama (O Allah! grant us such wives and offspring who will be a source of coolness for our eyes, and make us leaders of the Allah-Fearing) islaaminfo Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

We eat and drink several times a day. By implementing the sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) we can gain maximum reward for these mundane activities. 10 Sunnahs of Eating 1. To wash both the hands before and after meals. (Sunan Abi Dawud) 2. To sit on the floor. (Sahih Bukhari) 3. To sit in one of the following three postures: In the Tashahud position (like in Salah). (Fathul Bari) Same as above with the right knee raised. (Ibid; Takhrijul Ihyaa) In the squatting posture. (Sahih Muslim) 4. To eat with the fingers (thumb, index and middle fingers). (Sahih Muslim) 5. To take the name of Allah before eating. (Sahih Bukhari) 6. To eat with the right hand. (Sahih Bukhari) 7. To eat from the closest part of the plate and not from the middle. (Sahih Bukhari) 8. As far as possible, to eat collectively from one plate. (Sunan Ibn Majah) 9. To clean every bit of food left on the plate and to lick the fingers before washing them. (Sahih Muslim) 10. To recite the various Masnun du’as after meals. One of them is, ‘Alhamdulillahil ladhiy at’amana wa saqana wa ja’alana muslimin’. (Sunan Abi Dawud) 10 Sunnahs of Drinking 1. To sit and drink. (Sahih Bukhari) 2. To drink with the right hand. (Sahih Bukhari) 3. To take 3 sips (or more in odd numbers). (Sahih Bukhari) 4. To say Bismillah before drinking. (Sahih Bukhari) 5. To say Alhamdulillah after drinking. (Sunan Tirmidhi) 6. If there are several people who are going to share the drink, it should be given to the one on the right. (Sahih Bukhari) 7. The one who is distributing the water (or food) should himself drink after everyone. (Sunan Tirmidhi) 8. To recite the following Dua after drinking, ‘Alhamdulillahil ladhiy at’ama wa saqa, wa sawwaghahu wa ja’ala lahu makhraja.’ (Sunan Abi Dawud) This dua could also be recited after eating. 9. One may also recite: Alhamdulillahil ladhy saqani adhban furatan bi rahmatihi walam yaj’alhu milhan ujajan bi dhunubi.(Tabarani) 10. After drinking milk to recite ‘Allahumma barik lana fihi wa zidna minhu’. (Sunan Abi Dawud) Food and drink are a blessing from Allah. By implementing the Sunnah and avoiding wastage, we would be physically expressing Shukr (gratitude) to Allah. Source: Al-Miftah

The Son I Tried to Take Away (Part Two) True Story (Names and details changed) At first, Qatar felt wonderful. Then reality began to settle in. Irfan left for work in the morning and returned in the evening. If I needed groceries, I had to arrange a taxi and take Uthman with me. If Uthman needed a doctor, I often had to manage it alone. One day I told Irfan that Uthman needed to be seen. "Take him," he said. "I'll come as soon as I can." So, I took him. The doctor ordered tests. Then more tests. Weeks passed. Then more weeks. For nearly a month, we lived in anxiety. Finally, the doctor explained that Uthman needed an operation. There was a problem with the passage through which he passed stool, and it needed to be enlarged so that he could pass properly. I broke down. I cried uncontrollably. The doctor reassured me that it was a relatively small procedure, but all I could see was my baby lying on an operating table in a foreign country. I called Irfan immediately. He didn't answer. I called again. Still nothing. When he eventually came home, he found me crying. "What happened?" I could barely speak. I told him what the doctor had said. He immediately became worried. He made wudu. He prayed salah. Then he raised his hands and made dua for our son. Afterwards, he messaged his parents and asked them to make dua for Uthman. And then he said something that shook my entire world. He looked at me and quietly asked, "Amina, do you think Allah could be testing you with your son?” I looked at him. He continued, "Do you remember how you felt about my parents? How you tried to keep me from them? How you stopped me from taking care of them? How you didn't want them seeing their grandson?" I began crying. Then he said words I will never forget: "Do you think Allah is showing you what it feels like when someone is separated from the child they love?" My heart broke. For the first time, I saw everything clearly. I remembered my mother-in-law's tears. I remembered my father-in-law's silence. I remembered the welcome they had prepared for me. I remembered my mother-in-law making excuses for me when I disappeared upstairs. I remembered how happy they had been to become grandparents. I remembered how I had secretly celebrated their pain. And suddenly I understood. I had not simply wanted a separate home. I had tried to take a son away from his parents. I had tried to make his parents less important to him. And then I had almost succeeded. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. That night, I made tawbah. I asked Allah to forgive me. Then I sent a message to my mother-in-law and father-in-law. I asked them to forgive me too. I didn't make excuses. I didn't say, "I was young." I didn't say, "I was overwhelmed." I didn't say, "I only wanted privacy." I simply told them that I had wronged them. Then came the day of Uthman's operation. Irfan and I sat outside the theatre in a foreign country, frightened and helpless. I remember looking at the doors. I remember thinking about my son. And I remember making a promise to Allah: "Ya Allah, if You give my son shifa, I will go back to the UK with my husband. I will return their son to them. I will not stand between them and their grandson again." The operation was successful. Alhamdulillah. But our journey wasn't over. Uthman required extensive aftercare. He had a bag attached to his stomach to collect his waste, and we had to learn how to care for him properly and change it. For six months, our lives revolved around his recovery. And during those six months, I changed. Not because I suddenly stopped loving my husband. Not because I stopped wanting my own home. But because I finally understood that wanting boundaries is one thing. Trying to destroy a bond between parents and their child is another. When the doctors finally told us that Uthman was well enough to travel, we returned to the UK. And I kept the promise I had made to Allah. I went back to my in-laws' home. But this time, I didn't walk through their door with resentment. I walked through it with gratitude. I hugged my mother-in-law. I hugged my father-in-law. And when I saw them holding Uthman, I realised something that had taken me years to understand I had spent years thinking that my in-laws were standing between me and my husband. They weren't. I was standing between my husband and the people who had raised him. And when I tried to take their son away from them, I didn't make my marriage stronger. I only created pain. Advice to Every Daughter-in-Law To every woman who is about to marry, or who has recently married, I want to say this: It is completely understandable to want privacy. It is understandable to want your own space. It is understandable if living with in-laws is difficult for you. You are allowed to have feelings. You are allowed to struggle. And sometimes a separate home is genuinely the healthiest arrangement for everyone. But there is a difference between asking your husband for a home of your own and trying to separate him from his parents. Your husband can love you deeply and still love his mother. He can bring you flowers and still buy groceries for his parents. He can take you on holidays and still sit beside his father in the masjid. He can bring breakfast in bed for you and still love and do things for his mother. He can buy your snacks and still prepare his mother's morning drink. His love for them does not mean there is less love available for you. Don't turn your husband's love for his parents into a competition. You do not have to become their daughter overnight. You do not have to pretend that every aspect of living with extended family is easy. But don't make it your mission to make your husband choose. And please, never use children as weapons. I repeat don't make their grandchildren tools you use against them. Allah tala can test you with those precious children if He wants. Grandparents have a special place in a child's life. If they are loving, safe and respectful, don't deliberately prevent them from seeing their grandchildren simply because you dislike the extended-family arrangement. A grandmother holding her grandson isn't taking anything away from you. A grandfather teaching his grandson isn't replacing you. And a son serving his parents doesn't make him a worse husband. Instead, communicate. Set healthy boundaries. If you need a separate home, ask respectfully. If something your in-laws do genuinely hurts you, speak to your husband calmly. If there is a serious problem, seek wise mediation rather than creating secret battles inside the marriage. And husbands have responsibilities too. Don't dismiss your wife's genuine struggles. Don't expect her to silently endure everything. Protect your marriage while honouring your parents. Give your wife reassurance without asking her to compete with the people who raised you. There can be room for everyone. Most importantly, remember that parents do not remain with us forever. One day the house that once felt crowded may become painfully quiet. The mother-in-law whose calls irritated you may no longer be there to call. The father your husband used to accompany to the masjid may no longer be waiting for him. And the grandparents whose visits once felt inconvenient may become memories your children wish they had more of. I learned this lesson much later than I should have. I thought I was fighting for my husband. In reality, I was fighting against his parents. And I thank Allah that, through the most frightening chapter of my life, He opened my eyes before it was too late. May Allah forgive us for the times we allow jealousy, insecurity or resentment to make us unjust. May Allah place love between husbands and wives, mercy between parents and children, and wisdom between in-laws. And may Allah teach us the difference between setting a healthy boundary and breaking a family bond. Because sometimes the person we are trying to push out of our marriage isn't our rival at all. Sometimes they are the people who gave us the person we love. Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

The Son I Tried to Take Away (Part One) True Story (Names and details changed) I was nineteen when Irfan proposed to me. We had known each other since high school. Ours was a love marriage in every sense of the word. We had grown up together, fallen in love when we were young, and by the time he asked me to marry him, I could think of no reason to say no. I thought I knew what marriage would be like. I thought it would be Irfan and me, our own little world, our own home, our own happiness. I was wrong. After our marriage, I discovered that I was not just marrying Irfan. I was becoming part of a family. His parents lived with us, and he had sisters who lived in Australia and visited once or twice a year. Even their short visits irritated me. I had never imagined myself living in an extended family, and I resented almost everything about it. No one came in my way or said anything, but I felt irritated at the fact that Irfan and I were not alone. The irony was that my in-laws were good people. My mother-in-law never interfered in our marriage. My father-in-law never dictated how we should live. They did not shout at me, humiliate me, or demand anything from me. The problem wasn't that they were bad. The problem was that I did not want them there. Full stop. And the biggest problem of all was that Irfan was not only a good husband. He was a good son. Every morning, before he even thought about himself, he would prepare honey water for his parents. When they woke up, he would place their shoes outside their bedroom doors. He would go jogging with his father, then come home, get ready for work and do his parents' laundry. He hugged his mother frequently. She loved him to bits, and I hated that. He checked whether his father needed anything. If his mother called him to get something or take her somewhere he would do so. If his father asked him to accompany him somewhere, he would go. And I hated it. Not because Irfan neglected me. He didn't. He was, in many ways, an exceptionally loving husband. He knew my favourite foods and would bring them home for me. He would surprise me with snacks from the shops... Lotus Biscoff, Walkers crisps, M&S croissants, chocolate, and whatever new treat he knew I loved since school days. He took me out to restaurants. He brought me breakfast in bed. He planned little surprises. Every few months, whenever he had five days off together, he would take me somewhere. Turkey. Italy. France. Jordan. Morocco. Spain. He wanted me to see the world. He wanted me to be happy. But I wasn't. Because every time I saw him doing something for his parents, I felt as though something was being taken away from me. I didn't understand then that love isn't a pie that becomes smaller every time someone else receives a slice. I thought if his mother got more of her son, I must be getting less of my husband. So, I began interfering… If his mother called him and wanted him to take her somewhere, I would suddenly say, "I need to go to the pharmacy." Or, "I have to go to my mum's, hurry up." And Irfan, being the gentle husband he was, would tell his mother, "I'll take you tomorrow." I made sure tomorrow never came. In the mornings, I started saying, "Let's exercise together." He would say, "I'll go jogging first and then we can do something together." But I would argue. Eventually, after enough arguments and enough emotional pressure, Irfan stopped jogging with his father. Then he stopped doing things for his parents. The son who had spent years serving his parents quietly began withdrawing from them. And instead of feeling ashamed, I felt victorious. Then we had our first child… Three years into our marriage, I went to my mother's house for the delivery. When it was time for me to return, my in-laws were overjoyed. They had decorated the house. They had prepared everything. They had arranged a huge welcome gathering. They were excited to welcome me and their grandson home. I remember walking into that house and feeling the smallest tinge of guilt. But it wasn't enough to change me. I quickly ate with everyone, then excused myself. "I need to rest." I went upstairs. I never came back down. From upstairs, I could hear my mother-in-law speaking gently to the others. "You know how it is with a baby. She must be exhausted. She probably fell asleep while feeding him." There was no anger in her voice. No complaint. No accusation. Just kindness. And somehow, that made what I was doing even worse. Not long after, I told Irfan, "Now that we have a child, we can't continue living like this. You need to make arrangements for your parents to move." I had never seen him so angry. "You want my parents to leave?" His voice shook. "They have done nothing to you." We argued. Then he said something I would never forget: "This is Mum and Dad's house. If you don't want to live with them, then you move. I'll find us somewhere else." And he did. Within two weeks, he had found a flat close to his workplace in London, where he worked as a solicitor at the fictional law firm Harrington & Cole LLP. When he finally told his parents, their hearts broke. They cried. I knew why. Irfan was their only son. For years, he had been their companion, their helper, the person they relied upon. And I had slowly convinced him to move away. I remember seeing their sadness. And I remember the shameful feeling I had inside. I gloated. I felt like I had won. When we moved into our new home, I experienced something I had wanted for years: Freedom. It was just me, Irfan and our little boy, Uthman. No one else. No one moving around the house, while I was having breakfast. No parents in the next room. No sisters visiting. No family obligations. Just my husband and my son. I was happy. At least I thought I was... Reality, however, quickly caught up with me. Some days I struggled to cook. Some days the laundry piled up. Some nights Uthman cried for hours, and I had no idea what was wrong. I was exhausted. But even in my exhaustion, I told myself, "At least I have my own home." Irfan now visited his parents regularly and freely without being controlled. After Asr, he would often go to their house. He went to the masjid with his father. He took his mother shopping. If she needed to go somewhere, he took her. He was becoming the same dutiful son he had always been. And I was furious. I had removed him from the house. But I couldn't remove his love for his parents. Every time he came home from visiting them, I would find something to fight about. My in-laws also visited us once a week to see Uthman. My mother-in-law was a naturally cheerful woman. She smiled constantly. She joked with everyone. She had a way of making people laugh without trying. She never shouted. She never raised her voice. She never criticised my cooking or my parenting. But one afternoon, during a visit, she looked at Uthman carefully. Then she said gently, "Amina, I think you should have Uthman checked by a doctor. I've noticed he seems uncomfortable when he passes stool. He strains a lot and doesn't seem to be passing properly. Perhaps it's nothing, but I think it would be better to have him examined." that was all. She wasn't interfering. She wasn't diagnosing him. She was simply a grandmother who had noticed her grandson struggling. But I heard it differently. I heard criticism. I heard interference. And I immediately became defensive. Irfan noticed. For the first time in my life, I heard him raise his voice at his mother. "Please don't interfere in our lives." His mother went quiet. I should have stopped there. I should have realised what was happening. Instead, I began looking for another way to put distance between them. I started telling Irfan that we should move abroad. "Why don't you look for something in Dubai? My uncle and his family are settled there. They can help." Then one of his colleagues mentioned Qatar. "Imagine it," I told him. "Just us. A fresh start. A better life. "Eventually, he found a position with a fictional international law firm in Doha. He applied. Three months later, the acceptance letter arrived. I remember the day it came. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I thought I had finally won. Uthman was about nine months old when we moved to Qatar. The company provided us with a furnished apartment and a car. My in-laws were devastated. Their only son was moving to another country. They tried to be happy for us, but I could see the sadness in their faces… To be continued… Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

Question and Answer: Q. I have been told that a woman does not need to undo her braids when performing Ghusl. Is this correct? Does the same ruling apply to a bun or ponytail? A. Shariah grants a concession to women regarding washing their hair during Ghusl. The ruling can be understood through the following two scenarios: 1. Braided or Plaited Hair A woman is not required to undo her braids for Ghusl. It is sufficient that water reaches the roots of the hair and the scalp; it is not necessary for water to reach every strand of hair within the braids. 2. Hair Tied in a Bun, Ponytail, etc. If the hair is not braided or plaited, water must reach the roots as well as every strand of hair. Therefore, the hair should be loosened if necessary to ensure that all of the hair is washed. [Hindiyyah 1/13] And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best Mufti Muhammed Hamza Farooqui Mufti Taahir Hansa (The answer hereby given is specifically based on the question asked and should be read together with the question asked. Islamic rulings on this Q&A newsletter are answered in accordance to the Hanafi Fiqh unless otherwise stated.) Fatwa Department Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

The Sufra For over a thousand years, the Muslim world's dining table could be folded, carried and made to vanish. It was a piece of cloth and woven into, it was an entire philosophy. Sayyiduna Anas Ibn Maalik radiyallahu anhu said the Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam never once ate from a khiwān, (a raised table). When Sayyiduna Qatadah radiyallahu anhu was asked what they ate upon instead, the answer was the Sufra. (Sahih Al Bukhari 5386) The dining table was named after a journey. Sufra from safar (travel). First a traveller's provisions, then the cloth that carried them. Every meal at home arrived on an object whose name whispered: "you are still traveling”. Imām Ibn Hajar notes that raised tables were the habit of the arrogant, built so the diner would never have to bend toward his food. The sufra on the other hand reversed the posture. To eat, you had to come down. Humility was not preached at the meal. It was built into it. A cloth has no head of the table, if we look at a rectangular table it has a seat of honour, however, a spread cloth has none. Everyone sits at one level around shared dishes, facing each other. "The food of two suffices three".(Sahih Al Bukhari 5392) Scarcity was answered with geometry What floor sitting does to your appetite. Sitting cross-legged flexes the torso and gently compresses the abdomen so fullness registers earlier. Leaning forward for each morsel slows every bite. The sufra quietly enforced the Sunnah of eating less, one posture at a time. It's the only table that grows with guests… Furniture fixes your generosity in advance. A table for six ends at six. A sufra unrolls further, joins another cloth, spills into the next room. Hosts were limited by their hearts, never by carpentry. ‘Gather over your food, for in gathering there is barakah.’ (Sunan Abi Dawud 3764) The house with no dining room. Traditional rooms had no fixed function. One space held prayer at dawn, guests at noon, food at dusk, sleep at night. Because the furniture vanished, the room stayed free. The house served the moment, not the objects. The meal ended in reverse. Fingers cleaned, fallen morsels picked up, crumbs gathered inside the cloth, the sufra folded the floor bare. Consumption was allowed to visit, it was never allowed to move in. Our ancestors did not own a dining table; they owned a reminder that tonight to walk through our home and ask one question. Which objects serve our life, and which has our life quietly been built around. Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

Every marriage – no matter how stressful, boring, or happy it may be – can use certain tips to give it a boost. This post reviews two pieces of advice that you could implement today for a better married life. If you’re not married, you too can benefit from the concepts as they are applicable across the board. The first reminder has to do with becoming cognizant once again about our rights toward our spouses as obligated on us by Allah and His prophet (peace be upon him.) What we married couples often forget is that our “Muslim marriage”, just like the rest of our life’s aspects, is governed by the laws of Islam. These divine laws were communicated, commanded, and taught to us by the prophet (peace be upon him) through the Quran and the traditions of Hadith. So, the first reminder is nothing more than to become ever conscious that the moment you entered your marriage, you became obligated to respect your spouse’s rights as defined under those divine laws. Claiming ignorance about those rights or your lack of resolve in upholding those rights therefore is not a valid excuse. The problem in this regard is usually two-fold. First, many couples simply aren’t even aware and knowledgeable about the rights that both husbands and wives have over each other. It’s not uncommon for many to rush into marriages with all the fanfare but neglecting to learn Islamic teachings regarding marriage and the rights that husbands and wives have over each other. It’s only when they hit roadblocks in their marriages that they start seeking those answers. Problems surface because each spouse assumes certain rights over the other and each spouse’s personal interpretation of what’s right or wrong complicates relationships even further. The second problem is that while many of us may take the time to understand how their partner is not meeting their individual rights, they often neglect to learn their obligations toward the other spouse. Driven selfishly, each spouse gets preoccupied with how their partner isn’t contributing to the relationship rather than realizing how one is deficient in fulfilling their own obligations. In the daily routine of give and take therefore, if your relationship is hitting hurdles, both of you ought to invest the time and effort to learn about those rights and obligations. Use this reminder to make a permanent mental note to help you become conscious of how knowingly or unknowingly you transgress and violate your spouse’s rights. Remember, you will be questioned about them. Allah Ta’ala says about our obligations in general: “O you who believe! Fulfill (your) obligations” )Quran: al-Maa’idah 5:1) “And fulfill (every) covenant. Verily, the covenant will be questioned about” )Quran: al-Isra’ 17:34) “And whoever transgresses the limits ordained by Allah, then such are the Zalimoon (wrong-doers, etc.)” (Quran: Al-Baqarah; 2:229) Now to the second reminder – Every relationship is bound to have disagreements, day to day challenges pertaining to a family life, or your spouse just having a “bad day.” These shouldn’t be mistaken for a bad relationship. Where relationships go sour are in how couples respond to such situations. When response to such situations involves disrespect for the other individual, cracks start appearing in relationships. This “disrespect” includes but isn’t limited to putting down the other individual, disregard for the others opinions, raising one’s voice disrespectfully, etc. This then leads to a communications breakdown where disagreements turn into full fledged disputes, small mistakes by one are perceived as crimes by the other, and just an ordinary “bad” day turns worse by spouses ending up in major fights – sometimes climaxing to points of no return. We should recognize that Allah created us humans and has codified dignity and respect part of our being. Therefore, when we trample over someone leaving them feel disrespected, we are bound to invoke an equal or worse response from our spouses along with sowing in their hearts the seeds of animosity, hatred and mistrust. So, remember that of all the things that we may use at our disposal to relieve stress or resolve a situation, disrespecting the other shouldn’t be one of them. Both Allah and the prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized the respect and honor that we are entitled to as Muslims and humans. Allah says in the Quran: “And indeed We have honored the Children of Adam, and We have carried them on land and sea, and have provided them with At-Tayyibat (lawful good things), and have preferred them above many of those whom We have created with a marked preferment.” (Quran: Al-Isra, Chapter #17, Verse #70) During his last sermon, the prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Your BLOOD, your WEALTH and your HONOR are sacred among you, as sacred as this day of yours in this month of yours in this land of yours. Let those who are present convey it to those who are absent; perhaps he will convey it to one who has more understanding than he does.” (Bukhari). Abdullah bin Umro reported that he saw the prophet going around the Kaabah in Tawaf saying (to the Kaabah): “How pure are you and how pure is your fragrance. How great is your majesty and your sanctity. By the One in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad (SAWS), the sanctity of a believer in front of Allah is more than your sanctity – His possessions and his life and we always think good of him.” (Ibn Majah) So, remember that a happy marriage is one in which couples find ways to tackle and resolve challenges without being disrespectful to the other. You can have your tough talks as long as you don’t cross the lines in disrespecting each other. Remember that Islam’s teachings never sanctioned to denigrate human dignity even in times of war then how can we in supposed bonds of love step out of that realm? Conclusion To conclude, wives can strive to become what the prophet referred to in this hadith: The Prophet (pbuh) said: “The entire world is full of resources, and among them the best resource is a righteous wife.” (Sahih Muslim) And for men, the prophet had this to say – “The most complete believer is the best in character, and the best of you is the best to his womenfolk.” (Tirmidhi) Let’s learn our rights toward each other and let’s not be disrespectful to the other even when we are dealing with tough situation. Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

*HADHRAT ML ABDUL HAMID SHB* *THE NEED OF THE HOUR IS:* 1.) Sincere Taubah and Istighfaar. The starting point is to realise and acknowledge that we are the cause of these problems. Our sins, and particularly the immodesty and immorality, draw Divine retribution. This is what we are seeing. We need to thus give up all sins. 2.) To have an earnest intention and make a genuine effort to correct our lives, our Salaah and all our Dienie matters, including Qadha Salaah, unpaid Zakaat, inheritance matters not settled, etc. And live our lives according to the noble Sunnah of Rasulullah Sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam. 3.) Abundance, Abundance!!! of Durood Sharief. 4.) Reciting the three Quls (Surah Al-Ikhlaas, Surah Al-Falaq and Surah An-Naas) with Bismillaah each time, after Fajr and Maghrib. A MUST, MUST!!! 5.) For the menfolk to make I'tikaaf in the Masaajid, by rotation, and to keep the Masaajid alive with A’maal-e-Masjid: Salaah, Tilawat of Qur’aan Sharief, Zikrullah, Dua, etc. - 24 hours. 6.) Ladies to also keep themselves busy with A’maal: fasting, Tilawat of Qur’aan Sharief, Zikrullah, Duas, etc. - preferably individually. 7.) Give Sadaqah frequently, even if it be in small amounts. 8.) At least once a day, recite the following: - Durood-e-Tunjeena, - 500 x Laa haula wa laa quwwata illaa billah, - Durood e Tunjeena - Make Dua (The 500 can be shared as well) 9.) Recite Surah Kahf daily; or at least the first and last ten Aayaat and on Jumu’ah, the entire Surah. When it is the protection against the Fitnah of Dajjaal, it will definitely be protection from these Fitan which we are dealing with. 10.) Make Salaam common and widespread, as we have been commanded. It brings peaceful conditions all around, as well as the Rahmah (Mercy) of Allah Ta’ala and the much needed Barakaat (blessings)!!! 11.) Khidmat and support to one another; helping to protect our Imaan, Islam, Masaajid, Madaaris, lives, and property in all forms. 12.) Making all the required efforts, placing one’s full trust solely in Allah Ta’ala, turn to Him in all sincerity and honesty. Only He can change conditions. But we have to change our lives and return to His Obedience. 13.) We should not panic. Understand that all conditions are only from Allah Ta’ala and Allah Ta’ala Alone is in control of everything even now. 14.) On such occasions, anger, hatred and cursing comes to the fore. A person can become filled with it. However, the ideal is to make Dua of Hidayat for the people at this moment. This will move the mercy of Allah Ta’ala. Remember the occasion of Taif when Nabi Sallallaahu alaihi wasallam made Dua for those who oppressed him. The Imaan of one person is so valuable! May Allah Ta’ala have mercy upon us and forgive us. May Allah Ta’ala protect and give Barakah in our Imaan, Islam, lives, businesses, property and all related, permissible matters and affairs! Aameen

Q. Apologies, I just have a quick question regarding the use of a spray bottle for Wudhu: 1. Is it permissible to perform Wudhu using a spray bottle, especially during Hajj or Umrah? 2. If so, what is the correct method or ruling for performing Wudhu with a spray bottle? A. Using a spray bottle for Wudhu is permissible with the proviso that water reaches all parts of the required limbs to be washed in Wudhu in a manner that at least two drops of water drip from the limbs. This can be achieved by spraying the limb directly and then rubbing the water over the limb or by spraying water into the hands and then rubbing the water over the limb. Take note of the following: 1. It is permissible to perform Wudhu with a spray or mist bottle in the following manner: a) Spray the face a few times so that water droplets begin to bead and trickle down. Use your hands to rub the moisture across the entire face as well as over the beard for men. b) Use the same procedure for the limbs - spray water across the length of the forearms and use your hands to rub the moisture over the entire surface from fingertips to elbows. c) Spray water onto your palms and make Masah (passing wet hands) over the head. d) Spray water onto the feet and use your hands to rub the moisture over the entire feet, including between the toes and the ankles. (It is a condition that when washing any limb, water must bead and trickle off that limb for the Wudhu to be valid. If sufficient water is not sprayed and water does not drip off the limb, the Wudhu will not be considered valid.) The Wudhu is now complete with these Fard (obligatory) actions. (Hindiyyah 1: 3) However, it should be noted that this method, comprising of just the Fard actions should be undertaken only when performing a full Sunnah Wudhu is inconvenient or difficult. Under normal circumstances, one should perform the full Sunnah Wudhu which includes washing the limbs thrice, using a miswak (tooth-stick), and rinsing the mouth and nostrils. And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best Mufti Muhammed Hamza Farooqui Mufti Taahir Hansa (The answer hereby given is specifically based on the question asked and should be read together with the question asked. Islamic rulings on this Q&A newsletter are answered in accordance to the Hanafi Fiqh unless otherwise stated.) Fatwa Department Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

1.Whoever meets Allah without ascribing anything to Him will enter Jannah. [Bukhari] 2. Whoever believes in Allah and His Messenger (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) and establishes the prayer and fasts the month of Ramadan, it is incumbent upon Allah that He enters him in Jannah. [Bukhari] 3. Whoever builds a masjid seeking by it the Pleasure of Allah, Allah will build for him a similar place in Jannah. [Bukhari] 4. Whoever prays the two cool prayers (Asr and Fajr)will enter Jannah. [Bukhari] 5. Whoever goes to the masjid (every) morning and in the afternoon (for the congregational prayer), Allah will prepare for him an honourable place in Jannah with good hospitality for (what he has done) every morning and afternoon goings. [Bukhari] 6. Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jawbones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Jannah for him. [Bukhari] 7. Whoever prays 12 rakaats (Sunnah Muakkadah)in the day and night, a house in Jannah will be built for him. [Muslim] 8. Whoever treads a path in search of knowledge, Allah will make easy for him the path to Jannah. [Bukhari] 9. Whoever repeats after the muadhdhin from his heart (i.e., sincerely) will enter Jannah. [Abu Dawud] 10. Whoever says: “I am pleased with Allah as my Rabb, and with Islam as my Deen, and with Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) as my Prophet,”Jannah would be mandatory for him. [Abu Dawud] 11. Whosoever last words are: laa ilaaha illAllah, will enter Paradise. [Abu Dawud] 12. Whoever says “SubhanAllah al-Adheem wa biHamdihi, Glorified and Exalted is Allah, The Great, and with His Praise”, a date-palm will planted for him in Jannah. [Tirmidhi] 13. Whoever dies and is free from three: arrogance, grudges and debt will enter Jannah. [Tirmidhi] 14. Whoever asks Allah for Jannah three times, Jannah will say: “O Allah, enter him into Jannah.” [Tirmidhi] 15. Whoever visits a sick person or a brother of his to seek the Pleasure of Allah, an announcer (angel) calls out: ‘May you be happy, may your walking be blessed, and may you be awarded a dignified position in Jannah.’ [Tirmidhi] 16. ‘O people, spread the salaam (greetings), feed the hungry, and pray while the people are asleep, you will enter Jannah in peace.’ [Tirmidhi] 17. (The performance of) Umrah is an expiation for the sins committed between it and the previous Umrah; and the reward of Hajj Mabrur (i.e., one accepted) is nothing but Jannah. [Bukhari] 18. Allah has ninety-nine Names, one hundred minus one, and whoever believes in their meanings and acts accordingly, will enter Jannah. [Bukhari] 19. I saw a man going about in Jannah (and enjoying himself) as a reward for cutting a tree from the middle of the road which was causing inconvenience to the Muslims. [Muslim] 20. There is no man whose two daughters reach the age of puberty, and he treats them kindly for the time they are together, but they will gain him admittance to Paradise. [Tirmidhi] Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians 223 Alpine Road, Overport Durban, South Africa

We live in a world of import and export, a world in which most goods and commodities are available in most countries for most of the year. However, despite the year-round availability, there are many goods that enjoy a ‘peak season’. Astute businessmen are those who identify this period and utilize it to their advantage. A Golden Opportunity The season presents a golden opportunity for one to secure tremendous profits in a minimal period of time. Hence, during the month of December, even if the rest of the world is on vacation, it is practically unimaginable for one to find the serious businessman on holiday. He understands the pivotal role that the season plays in his success; if he remains focused and committed, he will reap the profits, and if he allows himself to become distracted or while away his time, he alone will suffer the consequences. The Season of Taqwa Just as other things have a special season; taqwa also has a special season – the month of Ramadaan. From fasting during the day to performing Taraaweeh during the night, the entire month has been specially designed to assist a believer in harvesting a bumper crop of fruit, from the tree of taqwa, which he will continue to enjoy long after the blessed month has expired. However, just as with other seasons, this will only be possible if one avails himself for this blessed month and expends all his energies in striving to secure the bargains it has on offer. More than Money If the shop owner arrives at work two hours late, he will regret the business that he lost and lament the money that he could have made. For every minute of the two hours, he could have been serving customers and turning the numbers. We often hear the adage ‘time is money’. However, contrary to popular belief, time is NOT money — it is far more valuable than money. Whereas money can always be later recovered if lost, time can never be recovered — and it is for this reason that time is our single greatest asset. In the race to secure the rewards of Ramadaan, it is those who are particular regarding their time that profit the most. Destructive Distractions In this regard, along with the ready-made opportunities to benefit are a host of ready-made distractions. After - Taraaweeh braais, meeting friends for a chat, an ‘Eid bargain-hunting’ excursion – these are all seemingly innocent activities. However, when thoroughly scrutinized, we realize that the braai ‘burnt’ two or three hours of our time, whereas a normal supper would have been concluded in a maximum of thirty minutes. The excursion to purchase ‘Eid-goods at the best prices may have saved us a few valuable rands but undoubtedly cost us invaluable hours and minutes. Media ‘Mania’ In the opinion of many, the uncrowned yet undisputed champion of ‘killing time’ is social media in all its various guises and forms. Whether in the masjid, while attending a program for spiritual upliftment, or at the time of sehri when du‘aas are accepted – instead of maximizing and benefiting from these opportunities, there are many who become Media ‘Maniacs’ and wile away the irrecoverable moments on their smart phones. For this purpose, just as we fast by shunning food and drink from dawn to sunset, let us make a resolution to ‘fast’ from all forms of media for all the 24 hours of every day in the Month of Ramadhan. We should initiate a complete ’fast’ from all these time-consumers during this blessed period and afterwards as well. Thus let us make this Ramadaan very profitable by correctly investing the capital of time that we have been blessed with. Insha-Allah we will reap the rewards in this world and the Hereafter. alhaadi.org.za

Sports – Thinking Correctly By Hazrat Ml Yunus Patel Sb Rahimahullah Our condition as a Ummah is such that we have lost our direction, and we have forgotten our purpose of being in this world. In addition to the various Fitan plaguing the Ummah, the sports scene – with its national and international matches, tournaments, cups, etc. – is also a severe fitnah. It is a diversion and a cause of Ghaflat (heedlessness). And this Ghaflat is ‘the hen that lays the eggs of all sins. One brother said to me, “Maulana, you mentioned that you made Dua that the Saudi soccer team must lose. Should we not support our brothers?” How the mindset of the Muslim has changed! If Rasulullah ﷺ were to be present, amongst us in these times, and he is informed of the Muslim teams going around the world to play football, their dressing which exposes their thighs, the entertainment, music, photography, the women attending who are immodestly dressed, the drinking and other Haraam which will be rife at those venues, the sponsorships by those fully involved in Haraam— manufacturers of liquor, banks and other Haraam establishments, would Rasulullah ﷺ have said: Support your national team!?—Na-uzu Billah. Would he be happy with this? And would he be pleased that the Ummah considers this kind of ‘win’ a great victory? Is this what we have been sent for to win soccer matches and other games? We have lost sight of the true victory! The Sahaba-e-Kiraam (Radhiyallahu ‘anhum) saw their victory in Jihad and in Shahadah (martyrdom). In the tragic expedition of Bir-Ma’unah, when Hazrat Haram ibn Milhan (Radhiyallahu ‘anhu) was martyred, he uttered: “By the Lord of the Ka’bah! I have won!”—he achieved such a goal! Nabi ﷺ’s Duas and sympathy are with those who are following Deen and obeying him. Are we not instructed in the Qur’aan Shareef: “Follow me…”? “Say (O Muhammad Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam): ‘If you really love Allah, then follow me, and Allah shall love you and forgive you your sins. Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful.”[Surah Aal-Imraan 3:31] We also went through the high school route. In our young days, we played cricket and other sports… and we would follow the newspaper scores and commentary over the radio. There were no televisions at that time. Now, when I look back, I think: What an absolute waste of time… listening to the commentary of a few people chasing a ball from one end to the other! What did we gain? …Nothing. These thoughts … that we should be supporting our brothers who are participating in the world cup … are from Shaytaan. We are to support each other in Deen; in what will draw us closer to Allah Ta’ala and what will be a means of the victory of Allah Ta’ala’s Pleasure and Jannah. “…Help one another in goodness and piety, and do not help one another in sin and aggression; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah; surely Allah is severe in requiting (evil).” [Surah Al-Maa’idah 5:2] Let us seriously reflect over our condition, make sincere Taubah and get our priorities in order. Time is running out. …We fail to understand that we are leaving this world, that our death is fast approaching, and that Qiyamah is before us. Every moment is delivering us to our graves. Every passing second, our life is closing in on us. It is all coming to an end, but we are heedless and unmindful. In watching and following the world cup, we forget the cup of death. We will have to drink of that cup. Allah Ta’ala mentions in Surah Al-Ambiyaa: ‘Closer and closer to mankind comes their reckoning: yet they heed not, and they turn away.’[Surah Ambiyaa 21:1] May Allah Ta’ala guide us and give us the correct understanding of the purpose of this worldly life. Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

Journey to Allah in Ramadan (Detailed Book) Short Summary AVAILABLE NOW! ‘Journey to Allah in Ramadan’ is a guide to deepen our relationship with Allah and accelerate our journey to Him in this blessed month. By delving into the inner dimensions of fasting and other acts of worship, the book explores how we can strive to become His true servants and taste the sweetness of īmān. Deepen your relationship with Allah and accelerate your journey to Him 30+ reminders to taste the sweetness of īmān and worship Just 7 minutes a day to read! Download, read, print and share with family and friends. Download: Journey-to-Allah-in-Ramadan-2025.pdf

Yaa Allah! Complete and quick recovery Yaa Rabb! Inshaa-allaah will make du'a

The Gift of Meraj On the twenty seventh of Rajab the Musjids will be full. People will gather to listen to talks being delivered regarding the great incident of Me’raj. After the talks are over, by and large we return home with the miracle of Me’raj and its message forgotten until the following year. Unlike us, the Sahaabah (radiyallahu anhum) and the Tabi’een (those who came after the Sahaabah) never set aside any day for the discussion of the incident of Me’raj. Hence even the scholars of the first century differed regarding the actual date when Me’raj occurred. The Sahaabah (radiyallahu anhum) and the Tabi’een (rahimahumullah) had no need to set aside any day for this discussion. They regularly and frequently discussed the Ahadith regarding all aspects of the life of Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). They lived the message of Me’raj every day of their lives. PARTING ADVICE While there are many aspects that are related to Me’raj, the most important thing that pertains to us daily is the gift that was granted to Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) on Me’raj. When Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) proceeded to the seven heavens and beyond and met His Rabb, Allah Ta’ala, he was granted the gift of Salaah. Such was the importance of Salaah that its injunction was not revealed while Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) walked on the earth. Rather it was saved for this special occasion beyond the seven heavens. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) also greatly explained its importance throughout his life – to the extent that his parting advice when he left this world was regarding upholding the injunction of Salaah. TAKE STOCK When we gather to discuss the occasion of Me’raj, we should take stock of our Salaah – the gift of Me’raj. Firstly, am I performing my five Salaah daily? Do I commence my day with missing Fajar? Do I remember the gift of Me’raj at the time of Fajar? At the time of Fajar do I remember the impassioned plea of Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) as he parted from this world regarding upholding the injunction of Salaah? The same should be considered regarding Zuhr and Asr – when the tills are ringing and with regard to Maghrib and Esha when other distractions are in the way. HAPHAZARDLY Furthermore, how do I perform my Salaah? Is it in the manner that Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) performed it or is it performed haphazardly and in extreme haste? Have I gained concentration in Salaah? Also, do I perform it with Jamaat (which is waajib for adult males) in the Musjid? Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) is reported to have said: “By that Being who has control over my life, I intend asking the youngsters to gather some firewood. I would then instruct somebody to call out the Azaan and perform the Salaah while I go and set fire to the homes of those people who perform their Salaah in their houses without any proper excuse.” (Abu Dawood #549/Ahmad #8903). Abdullah bin Mas’ood (radiyallahu anhu) says: “The one who wishes to meet Allah Ta’ala as a Muslim on the Day of Judgement should be punctual in the performance of his Salaah on hearing the Azaan. Allah Ta’ala has prescribed the clear ways of guidance for His Rasul (sallallahu alaihi wasallam). These Salaah too are among those ways of guidance. If you too will adopt the way of those who perform their Salaah at their homes, you will be abandoning the way of Rasul (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), hence you would be led astray. The one who performs wudhu and leaves for the Musjid, for every step he takes he gets one reward, one of his sins are forgiven and his stages are elevated in Jannah. In the time of Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) only an open hypocrite would not join the Jamaat. Even a sick person would be carried by two people and brought to the Musjid to perform his Salaah with Jamaat.” (Muslim #654). Salaah is not only an injunction of Allah Ta’ala and a responsibility and duty upon His servants, but also a means of acquiring one’s worldly needs. It is a means of averting calamities and hardships. It is reported in a Hadith that whenever any matter perturbed Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) he immediately resorted to Salaah. The Sahaabah (radiyallahu anhum) sought the solution to any problem by first resorting to Salaah. When discussing Me’raj, we need to take stock of how much we resort to the gift of Me’raj to solve our problems and difficulties. A ROOT CAUSE OF THE UMMAH’S DECLINE While there are many reasons for the present pitiful condition of the Ummah throughout the world, one of the main reasons is the neglect of this fundamental injunction of Deen. It is of prior importance that an all-out effort is made to bring the entire Ummah onto the punctual performance of the five daily Salaah (in the correct manner with all its etiquette being observed). Without this it will be wishful thinking to expect the degradation of the Ummah to change for the better. With the proper fulfilment of Salaah and all the other injunctions of Deen, the help of Allah Ta’ala will be with us. Then minimal effort will make us victorious and gain us the best of both worlds. Al-Haadi