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Bit Of Light Relief!

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Caller: O Shaikh, I enter the toilet having my mobile phone and the whole Quran is stored on it, is that allowed?

Shaikh: Yes, there is nothing wrong with that.
 

Caller: But Shaikh!!! the Quran is saved there! how come??!!
 

Shaikh: O borther! its okay, its only saved the memory of the phone.
 

Caller: Shaikh!! THIS IS THE QURAN!!! HOW CAN IT BE IN THE TOILET???
 

Shaikh: Do you memorize any of the quran?
 

Caller: Yea, I memorized many of it.
 

Shaikh: Okay then. Whenever you wanna enter the toilet, leave your brain outside!

(Halal and islamic funny stuff)

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In a Nursery School Canteen...

 

There's a basket of apples with a notice written over it :

 

"Do not take more than one, God is watching"

 

On the other counter there's a box of chocolates,

A small child went & wrote on it.

 

"Take as many as you want, God is busy watching the apples"...

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Poor Behaviour! 

There was once a family who saw a beggar standing at the door of their home. As they did not wish to give him anything, they tried to turn him away saying, “May Allah open your way.”

The beggar, however, was undeterred and asked for a slice of bread. Hearing his request, the family responded, “We don’t have any.”

Still undeterred, the beggar next asked, “Some wheat? Chicken? Barley?” They replied, “Sorry, but we don’t have any.” So the beggar asked, “How about some fat, olive oil or milk?” They answered, “Sorry, but we don’t have any of those either.” Finally, the beggar asked them for water. They said, “We don’t have any water.”

In utter frustration, the beggar burst out, “What are you doing, sitting at home? You should join me and beg as you are obviously even more in need than I am!” (Al-Mustatraf vol. 2, pg. 379)

 

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Unappetizing Answers

The evil, reprehensible quality of miserliness stems from excessive love for wealth. When a person is overpowered by miserliness, he will behave in the most foolish manner. Though he may have much wealth, due to this terrible quality he will even be miserly towards his own near and dear ones. Below are two incidents of misers:

There was once an extremely miserly man who instructed his children to buy him some meat. After they bought and prepared the meat, he sat to enjoy it, and ate it all, until only a single bone was left in his hand! The eager eyes of his children were watching him all along, hoping for a piece. With the bone in his hand, he said to them, “I will not give any of you this bone until you first describe to me the manner in which you will eat it.”

Hence, the eldest son said, “O father! I will gnaw at it and suck it until I have not left on it even enough food for an ant!” However, the miserly father was unimpressed and said, “You are not deserving of this bone.”

The second son said, “I will chew at the bone and lick it until it is so clean, that a person looking at it will not know whether it was eaten one year ago or two years ago!” Again, the father was unimpressed and said, “You are not deserving of this bone.”

Finally, the youngest son said, “O beloved father! I will first lick the bone clean. Thereafter, I will crush it and swallow the powder!” At last, the miserly father was satisfied and gave the bone to his youngest son. (Al-Mustatraf vol. 1, pg. 283)

Abul Aswad was renowned for his miserliness. On one occasion, a Bedouin came to his door while he was partaking of his midday meal. When the Bedouin greeted him (hoping to be invited to join the meal), he merely replied to the greeting and continued eating, without calling the Bedouin to join him. The Bedouin (still standing at the door and hoping to garner an invitation) commenced a conversation.

He said to Abul Aswad, “I passed by your family.” Abul Aswad replied, “The path which you took led that way, so you had to pass them.” The Bedouin, still hopeful, next said, “Your wife is expecting.” Abul Aswad replied, “That’s exactly what I last knew of her as well.” Still undeterred, the Bedouin ploughed ahead, “Your wife gave birth.” Abul Aswad nonchalantly answered, “It had to happen, considering that she was expecting.” The Bedouin next said, “She delivered twin boys.” Abul Aswad, still eating, replied, “Her mother had done the same before her.” The Bedouin then said, “One of the twins passed away.” Abul Aswad, unaffected, replied, “It was probably because the mother did not have the strength to feed both.” The Bedouin continued, “The other twin also passed away.” To this, Abul Aswad said, “He could not bear living without his twin brother.” The Bedouin was now nearing his wit’s end and said, “The mother also died.” Abul Aswad replied, “Probably out of grief over losing her two children.”

Finally reaching the limit of frustration, the Bedouin exclaimed, “Your food seems to be very delicious!” Abul Aswad retorted, “It is exactly for that reason that I am eating it alone!” (Al-Mustatraf vol. 1, pg. 283)

 

Taken from Uswatulmuslimah.co.za

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Teacher: Millie give me a sentence starting with 'I' 

Millie: I is.. 

Teacher: No Millie always say I am

Millie: Ok I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. 

 

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What do you do all day??
 
A man came home from work and found his  three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and 20 wrappers strewn all around the front  yard.
 
The door of his wife's car was open, and so too the front  door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into  the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
 
 In the  front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the  family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.  
 
 In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was  spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food  was spilled on the floor a broken glass lay under the table, and a  small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
 
 He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
 
 He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
 
 As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over
 the floor. Miles of toilet  paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
 
 As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel.
 
 She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how  his day went..
 
 He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What  happened here today?'
 
 She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in  the world I do all day?'
 
 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.  
 
 She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.' 

  
 

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A miser was on his death bed. He told his wife to put all his money in a box and bury it with him. She promised him she would.

Soon after that he died. At the funeral her friend asked her if she had done as she had promised. She said yes she had and her friend looked very shocked. She smiled and said,

"I deposited all the money in the bank, wrote him a cheque and put it in the box. If he can cash the cheque, he can have the money!"

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Lady: My husband just swallowed paracetamol by mistake,  what shall I do? 

Dr: Give him headache now. Why waste medicine! :D

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A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...

...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."

 

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."

 

The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

 

Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"

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