ummtaalib

The effect of sins & it's Remedy "Stay away from outward sins and inward sins. " (Quraan) Sins cause a barrier between a person and His Creator, between a person and the mercy of Allah, between a person and sustenance in abundance, between a person and peace of mind and contentment of the heart, between a person and a peaceful time in the grave, between a person and Jannah (Paradise) etc. Sins lead a person to the displeasure, anger and wrath of Allah, lead a person to difficulties and hardships, both here and in the hereafter, lead a person to depression and anxiety, lead a person to the punishment of the grave and finally to Jahannam - hell fire (May Allah protect us all - A'meen). Sins are very tempting, desirous and beautiful in the beginning and at the outset but soon shows its ugly poisonous head, like a snake kept in a beautiful, colourful scented packet very tempting and inviting, but as soon as it is opened and one sees the snake - what a shock, fear, etc sets in. Hakimul Ummat, Mujaddid-e-Millat, Hadhrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Rahimahullah) has mentioned an eye- opening story illustrating the evil of sins. A married man used to wet his bed every night. His wife asked what is this? You are a grown up, married man. We treat little children with this disease. We stop their liquids early, etc. He explained that shaytaan comes to him in his dreams every night and takes him for a long walk, after which he needs to go to the toilet to urinate. Shaytaan shows him an ultra modern, hygienic toilet wherein he relieves himself. But it is all in his dream and he wets the bed. His wife said, "Shaytaan is such a great friend of yours that he visits you every night and he is the king of the evil Jinnaat. He knows where all the treasures, etc. are kept. Why don't you ask him to show you all this treasure. You know we are so poor. You can bring us this treasure." He said "Yes, I never thought of this idea." That night shayaan came in his dream again. He told shaytaan what his wife said. Shaytaan said why did you not tell me long ago? Come I will take you right now. He took him and showed him a huge treasure box filled with jewels, diamonds, golds, pearls etc. He rushed to pick it up (all in his dream, in his sleep, in bed). It was so heavy he passed stools and messed the bed (a reality). In the morning his wife asked, "And now what is this?" He explained his dream. She said you rather carry on doing what you were doing before. Many people remember this story but forget the moral. Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Rahimahullah) explained that sins are those temptations, the glittering gold and silver etc. in the dreamworld, while the reality is worse than the actual stool in bed. May Allah protect us from all sins. After understanding the reality of sins, it requires just a little effort to abstain from sins. On one occasion, my Sheikh Hadrat Moulana Hakim Akhtar Saheb (Mudda Zilluhu) was travelling with his Sheikh Hadrat Moulana Abrarul Haq Saheb from Jeddah to Madina Shareef in the summer of Hijaz-e-Muqaddas. The car was very hot and uncomfortable. Moulana Abrarul Haq Saheb asked the driver if he did not put on the air-conditioner. He said it was on, but it seemed as though some window was left open. One window was open. On closing it, the car became cool on which Moulana Abrarul Haq Saheb (Mudda Zilluhu) observed, "See, the air-conditioner was doing its work. Cool air was coming but we did not get the effect. Similarly, the Ummat is doing good deeds and good effects of these are coming (even in the dunya) but we are not experiencing them because our sins are blocking them. Salat, Haj, Umrah etc. are on the increase but our window of sins of the eyes, ears, tongue, heart, etc. are open, letting in the unpleasant hot air which blocks the effect of our good deeds. Therefore, taubah and istighfar are absolutely and continually essential. Another example of the evil of sins is that of a person who has for example imported some goods which he is going to market at 2000% profit or even more, yet it is such a 'hot' item that as soon as it comes into the market, it will all be sold, but his goods are blocked in the customs because some of his paper work is not done. Similarly, our good deeds will give us so much benefit but our sins are blocking those benefits. It comes clearly in the Hadith that for some bandas (servants) of Allah, a huge amount of sustenance is waiting for them right at their heads but only their sins are blocking it. Just remove the sins, make taubah and the sustenance will start flowing. Sins are like a person day-dreaming. By committing sins of lust, it is like fantasising. By earning haraam for example, is like dreaming of building castles in the air. Like Sheikh Chillie who was asked by somebody to carry his ghee worth R100 to his house for which he will pay him R10. Hecarried the ghee on his head and began day-dreaming that with the R10 I will buy 10 eggs and let them hatch under my neighbour's hen. I will have 10 hens which will lay 10 eggs. Soon I will have plenty of fowls. Then I will buy goats, sheep, cows, horses etc. Then I will buy land, cultivate it, and have lots of crops etc. Then I will build a house. I will get married. I will have children. They will have children. My grandchildren will come and trouble me and say "Dada Jaan", "Daadi" is calling for meals and I will say, "Out of here," shaking his head and saying, "Don't disturb me" and the ghee falls from his head. The owner becomes angry and says you destroyed my R100 worth of ghee. He said you are worried of your R100. My 3 generations are destroyed. Similarly, sins are just an imagination of enjoyment while their evils are a reality. Like a person who has acquired haraam money (by stealing, fraud, etc.) and dreaming. I will buy a car, house, go on a holiday etc. His friend telephones him on his cellphone and tells him the police have caught up with you. A warrant of arrest has already been issued and they are on your trail to arrest you. That same money that was so dear to him, which he felt and touched now and again to make sure it was safe, he starts throwing it away far, so that there must not be any evidence against him. In the Ayat mentioned earlier, Allah Ta'ala has first mentioned outward sins. This shows how serious and dangerous they are! Shaytaan deceives many of us by saying the inside, the heart must be right. The outside does not matter. Many say, "My Islam is in my heart, I don't have to keep a beard and make a show of my Islam." A woman will say, "My modesty and purdah is in my heart. My heart is clean. I don't have to make a show of my Islam by wearing a burqah," etc. and similar other remarks. A few examples of a few outward sins are mentioned now: A person who does not keep a sunnat beard ( i.e. a fist length on all sides etc.) should consider this example: a plane fall of hajees lands at Johannesburg International airport by a Saudi flight. The captain, pilots etc. all are Muslims who have just performed haj. The captain announces that we have all made haj and have tawakkul in Allah and we do not have to make a show of our Islam. So similarly, our aircraft has got wheels but when landing, we are not going to take them out. We will keep them in our heart. We don't have to make a show of our wheels." At that time, all will realise that our philosophy of 'hiding' our Islain (beard) is not correct but must be shown outside. Similarly a royal bird that soars high in the air and wins great prizes, if somebody thinks the inside "steam-power" of the bird is the important thing and the outside does not matter, cuts the wings of the bird - the bird will not fly. It will lose all its value and die in depression. Similar is the case of a sincere conscious Muslim. Also consider, if we are eagerly waiting at Jeddah airport to board the plane to Madina Shareef but because of an outside deficiency, a puncture, the plane is not taking off. One small outside deficiency will cause unsurmountable frustration to the ardent lovers of Nabi(sallallaahu alaiyhi wassallam). The importance of the outside can further be gauged by the example of a hobo dressed in torn and tattered clothes, no shoes, etc. who forces himself into the first class lounge at a modern international airport, the people are upset and force him out but to no avail. They report him to the person in charge. Following procedure, he asks him for his ticket. On seeing that he has a first class ticket, all have to accept him there. When boarding the plane, he will be turned out, but he forces himself into the first class. Again he is turned away, but when they see his ticket, he is given VIP treatment again. Similarly, his whole joumey will initially go in difficulty and opposition at every stage and will become a luxury and comfort when he proves his inside. Similarly will the journey into the Akhirah be if the outside is not adomed and identified by a'mal and sunnats - by the barkat of imaan, he will eventually be given VIP treatment. Now let us consider a few examples of purdah (hijab) of women. To protect milk and meat from the cat and money from the crooks, so much precaution is taken. When in fact money, meat and milk cannot fly, so how much more should not the women be protected from the enemy. The evil people will even get tempted by the mere looks or dressing of women. If one hundred thousand rands is stolen but after sometime returned, it will be just as dear to one, but if one's wife is missing for an hour or two and she cannot explain her absence, the rest of one's life will be Jahannam. Valuable treasures, gold, silver etc. are kept in a safe. Nobody objects to it. It is the right thing to do but when women are kept safely in the house or behind the veil, then it is objectionable. Is the value of our women less than milk, meat or money?! The problem is we have forgotten our true values - values of lslam, by the various propaganda machines of the west from kindergarten till university and we have imbibed animal values from magazines etc. to television. Also it is necessary for a woman to cover herself with a proper purdah that fulfills its purpose and does not in fact serve the opposite purpose, for example, if on a hot day an umbrella is used of such material that intensifies the heat or if on a rainy day an umbrella is used to save oneself from the rain, but instead of the umbrella being in its normal dome shape, if it is made in a funnel shape and all the water falls onto the person, then the purpose of the umbrella will be defeated. Similarly, if the burqah is of such bright colours, beautified with bead work, lace etc. or the face or eyes are left open, which are the more important things to be covered, then the purpose of the burqah is defeated. We do not have to cover ourselves to fool ourselves that we are covered. Rather, we cover ourselves to see that the command of Allah is fulfilled. Judge Akbar Ilaahabadi said women were asked what has happened to your purdah (veil). Why don't you wear it any more. They said it has fallen on the brains of our men (so they don't allow us to wear it). May Allah save us from the snares of shaytan and propaganda of the enemies and bless us with proper understanding and amal. (Hazrat Moulana Abdul Hamid Ishaaq Saheb; Principal of Daarul Uloom Azaadville,South Africa) Courtesy: www.everymuslim.net

PDF for download islaahi-correspondence.pdf

Hadhrat Ibn Hizam (Radhiyallaho anho) Gives up Begging. Hadhrat Hakeem bin Hizam (Radhiallahu Anhu) once came to Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and begged him for some assistance. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) gave him something. Next time he came and asked for something again from Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) gave him something on this occasion as well. When he came to beg the third time, Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), after giving him something, said: “O Hakeem! Money has a deceptive appearance. It appears to be very sweet (but it is really not so). It is a blessing when earned with contentment of heart, but there is no satisfaction in it when it is acquired with greed (begging etc).” Hakeem said: “O Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), I will not beg from anyone again after this.” يَا رَبِّ صَلِّ وَ سَلِّمْ دَائِمًا أَبَدًا عَلَى حَبِيبِكَ خَيرِ الخَلْقِ كُلِّهِمِ

Jazaakallaahu khayran Brother Arslan...i understand now @Haya: yes i'll move it...Jazaakillah

Unfortunately and sadly this is the situation in many families....as for the agreement, yes though I think many would not accept the condition ) : Allah ta'ala make it easy for you Can one be forced to go? Parties, weddings etc where we know impermissible things like intermingling will take place, and we cannot cover properly and no separate facilities are arranged then we do not have to accept the invitation. It takes courage to refuse to go because either the husband or the in laws or others are sure to get upset. So then the choice is between pleasing Allah ta'ala or the relatives. I think one has to make a stand at some point and face some hardship because of it but it eases the way afterward....please note that my answers are from my own self

Wa'alaykumus salaam warahmatullah. Jazaakallah. I had no idea about this. Is it possible the post the laws of Binaa which Mufti sahib has mentioned?

Wa'alaykumus salaam warahmatullaah Firstly I'd like to mention that from what I have read and heard in bayans, I cannot stress the importance of covering in front of non-mehram males in laws. It is said that there is less likely hood of fitnah with someone while out and about however with men and women living in the same house or socialising a lot there are so many opportunities of fitnah. In most communities the interaction between a woman and her brothers in law are very lighthearted and there are ample opportunities of being alone in a room as well... Secondly, it can be done Haya. Even in small houses and living together it can be done. It is more difficult where there is no support from the husband but the wife would then need to keep trying making her husband husband understnand without arguments and fights or where things get out of hand...along with abundant du'a for Allah ta'ala to ease the situation. Ok as for personal experience, I will mention a short summary of the experience of not just myself but many of my friends here so that inshaAllah it serves as a means of guidance and help to others. Yes it is difficult however as I mentioned it can be done inshaAllah. Many relatives get upset and even stop talking however it has been known that those very relatives come around after some time (I believe it is because Allah ta'ala, in Whose control are hearts, has turned their hearts). The initial difficulty is a test and all that is required is steadfastness and reliance on Allah ta'ala. As for : Better to call the father or a brother to get the food and if there is no one than the face and the rest of the body still has to be covered. Sometimes we may have to welcome a non mehram in law or pass them something...it can still be done from behind the veil and by not using soft tones or talking unnecessarily. Here in the UK I know many families who observe strict rules when families get together or when living together. Men and women sit separately, with men serving the men and women serving the women. Please note that most houses are quite small yet Alhamdulillah, purdah is strictly observed. I can vouch that it can be done because a very close family member lived with in laws in one house for quite a long time and there was no relaxing of the rules..Alhamdulillah. The biggest test is when there is no support from the husband. I know of situations where the wife has continued to cover despite the husband's disapproval and continued serving him and trying her best not to create a situation....in most cases the husband eventually accepts it and even supports it.

By Mufti Ebrahim Desai Q.) Can you please explain to me in the light of Qur'an and Hadith what is the hijab for my husband to his brother's wives? Can he speak to them when there is no need? Can he also speak to them when their husband is not around and there is fear of fitnah? I am in purdah ie I cover my entire body except my eyes and hands and I make purdah from my husband's brothers. Lately after the incident of him speaking freely to my brother in laws wives I felt like not wearing my niqab anymore. Please clear my doubts. [A sister in Islam] A.) It is necessary for a male to observe Hijab from his brother's wife (sister-in-law). Any contact whatsoever with her is prohibited. Rasulullah said, 'Brother-in-law is death.' (Bukhari) The death being referred to in the Hadith refers is the death of spirituality. Brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law are part of the family. They often get together and tend to socialize freely. This is very dangerous and certainly poses a death threat to one's spirituality. One has to be more cautious in adhering to the laws of Hijab in such a close family relationship. Rasulullah also prohibited a male from going to a woman in the absence of her husband. Sister, you should discuss the issue with your husband with utmost wisdom and make him conscientious of the laws of Allah and the consequences of not following the Shari'ah. However, that should not drive you to removing your own hijab. Why should you incur the wrath of Allah on yourself due to somebody else's wrong? Two wrongs don't make a right. And Allah Ta'ala Knows Best Al-Balagh

Question I married an year ago, but I got in a serious problem when I knew that my little brother and my wife was involved in zina, I want to give divorce to her and cut off every kind of relation with my bro, I am doing right? and also please guide me if there is a relexation for them or Can I forgive them? Answer In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh This is a very difficult and perplexing position to be in and it's certainly not an easy hurdle to overcome. However since you have asked about the possibility of “Can I forgive them?” it means your heart is big enough and you have enough resolve to overcome this situation, Insha-Allah. Consult a pious, learned scholar in your locality for marriage counseling to take further steps to rebuild the trust between you and your wife. Only after you have gone through marriage counseling would you be able to arrive at a proper decision whether or not to divorce your wife. Then too, you should make istikhaarah before taking the decision. Do not cut off relations with your brother Doing so will only engender further bitterness in you and will not make you any happier. Forgive your brother and drop the subject, and never bring it up again. For the future keep in mind that your wife has to keep hijab from him, just as with any other stranger, not because of this incident but because your brother is not a mahram to your wife. One of the misconceptions that is present in Muslim societies in general is the laxity towards relations with a brother-in-law. However when we look at the teachings of Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) we find that we should be very careful because that laxity can easily lead to sin. إياكم والدخول على النساء . فقال رجل من الأنصار : يا رسول الله ، أفرأيت الحمو ؟ قال : الحمو الموت Rasullullah (salallhu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” So a man from the Ansaar (the native residents of Madinah) said: O Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam): What about the brother-in-law? He (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said “The brother-in-law is death”1 This hadith narrated by Imam Bukhari (rahmatullahi alayhi) in his Sahih, by Imam Muslim (rahmatullahi alayhi) in his Sahih, by Imam Tirmidhi (rahmatullahi alayhi) in his Sunan and others show how diligent one must be with the relatives of the husband who are not mahram to the wife. Imam Tirmidhi has stated الحمو to be “brother-in-law” and Imam Nawawi (rahmatullahi alayhi) has stated it to be “relatives of the husband other then the fathers and the sons because they are mahram to the wife”2 Since the husband's non-mahram relatives to his wife are not strangers, they are able to enter upon women easily and so the ever-present possibility of zina is more dangerous with such relations. Therefore we have been advised to be more cautious and the wife should practice Hijab with such non-mahram relations of her husband just as she would from strangers. And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best Wassalāmu ῾alaykum Ml. Sohail Bengali Correspondence Iftā Student, US. Checked and Approved by: Mufti Ebrahim Desai Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah 1 صحيح البخاري الرقم ٥٢٣٢ و صحيح مسلم الرقم ٢١٧٢ و الترمذي الرقم ١١٧١ 2 ووقع عند الترمذي بعد تخريج الحديث ‏"‏ قال الترمذي‏:‏ يقال هو أخو الزوج، كره له أن يخلو بها‏...وقد قال النووي‏:‏ المراد في الحديث أقارب الزوج غير آبائه وأبنائه، لأنهم محارم للزوجة [ فتح الباري شرح صحيح البخاري - باب لا يخلون رجل بامرأة إلا ذو محرم والدخول على المغيبة ]

Advice for Husbands - Part 4 Maintaining the balance between parents and wife: Fulfill the rights of your parents as well as your wife. Serving your parents is YOUR responsibility. Out of love a wife will generally assist in this duty. However do not impose anything on her. Do not disrespect your parents for anything, especially because of any issue with your wife. Totally refrain from carrying tales or relaying any comments and remarks from either side to the other. You will only make your life a misery. In any issue be totally impartial but never be disrespectful. Issues between one’s wife and parents can sometimes become complicated. It is best to take advice from an experienced ‘Aalim in such matters. Dealing with problems: Misunderstandings and minor differences should not be suppressed. Rather discuss them in an amicable manner, or else this could ultimately lead to a broken marriage (Allah Ta’ala save us). Learn to communicate constructively. Make a resolution that at the time of a problem you would sit down with her and discuss your problems in a dignified manner, without raising voices or being abusive; or you will seek advice from someone you both can confide in. You cannot choose not to communicate. Even your silence and body language can send important messages and they may be misinterpreted and could cause more harm. Don't ever argue in public or in front of the children as this can affect the children psychologically and could prove detrimental to the marriage. Never discuss a problem in the state of anger. Calm down first. In a serious conflict, call in arbitrators from both sides and let the matter be solved amicably. Learn to admit your mistake as this is a sign of humility. Do not attempt to justify your mistakes with lame excuses. Exercise patience. Never make hasty decisions which you will regret later. "Allah is with those who exercise patience" (Al-Baqarah v153). Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "The most detestable of lawful things to Allah Ta’ala is talaaq (divorce)” (Abu Dawood #2178). Don't abuse this responsibility of issuing talaaq, given to you by Allah Ta’ala. Talaaq has been allowed as a last resort after all avenues of reconciliation have been exhausted, the marriage has totally broken down and there is no other way out. Don't react violently by meeting out injustice and cruelty upon her with verbal and physical abuse. Never take her curse. Don't become an oppressor, a tyrant, and a blackmailer. Unfortunately, many of our sisters bear untold misery and suffer in silence, day in and day out for years on end, having none to turn to besides Allah Ta’ala. Remember O’ husband, when that lonely, broken heart cannot tolerate anymore injustice and those hands rise up complaining to none other than Allah Ta’ala, then be rest assured that her tears and pain will not go unanswered. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "Beware of the curse of the oppressed person, since there is no veil between it and Allah Ta’ala” (Bukhari #1496). Allah Ta’ala says to the oppressed person: “I will assist you, even though it may be after some time” (Tirmizi #3598). REMEMBER, that your wife has made the great sacrifice of leaving the confines of her parent's home and her near and dear ones to come and spend the rest of her life with you. This she does with great hopes and expectations. Do not destroy them. Fulfill all these requisites which you have made binding on yourself through marriage. Appreciate and value these sacrifices. Allah Ta’ala will surely reward you in this world and the hereafter.

Advice to Husbands - Part 3 Dont’s: Do not disclose your wife's secrets or faults to any family members or friends. Always conceal one another's faults. Even worse is to speak about one's intimate matters to others. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “One of the worst people in the sight of Allah Ta’ala on the day of Qiyaamah is a man who was intimate with his wife and thereafter he publicizes it” (Muslim #3542). Never compare nor mention the beauty, character, or qualities of other women to your wife. This is extremely insensitive and may cause jealousy, suspicion, and unnecessary doubts in her mind. Accept your wife for what she is and do not cast lustful glances at other women. By doing so, you will lose the love of your wife. When a woman emerges from her home, shaytaan beautifies her in the eyes of men. By controlling one's gazes, one's love for one’s wife will increase and one will attain the sweetness of imaan. Do not keep in touch or communicate with any female acquaintances from the past, even if they are 'just good friends'. This is forbidden and extremely detrimental to the marriage. Never allow your wife to mix with strange men. This will severely harm your marriage. The hadith says that Allah Ta’ala has made Jannah haraam on a man who allows his wife to talk and freely mix with other men (Ahmad #5372). You too should abstain from talking unnecessarily to strange women. NB: Strange (ghayr-mahram) in the sharee’ah refers to all people with whom marriage is permissible in Islam. Included among them are cousins, brothers-in-laws, sisters-in-laws, parent's brother’s and sister’s spouses, father and mother-in-law's brothers and sisters, etc. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The male relatives of the husband are death (in other words, just as one fears death, one should fear fitnah, mischief, and corruption from his male relatives with regard to his wife)” (Bukhari #5232). There are many cases where an illicit relationship was established in family circles. The consequences of not upholding the laws of hijaab, especially between a woman and her husband’s male relatives, are disastrous. Never trust the carnal-self. Never use the word 'talaaq' or 'divorce', either in jest or in anger. Don’t threaten her with divorce. If the marriage totally breaks down, seek the advice of a learned and experienced ‘Aalim before resorting to divorce. Never demand back any gift given to your wife, even if the marriage ends in divorce. It is totally forbidden to repossess gifts given at the time of marriage or at any other time.

Advice to Husbands - Part 2 Spending and Giving Gifts: Support your family and spend generously on them according to your means. Regard this as an Islamic responsibility and not as a favour upon them, nor as a burden on yourself. Spending on bare necessities is not sufficient to engender true love and a happy home. However, be moderate in your expenditure as there should be neither extravagance nor miserliness. Shower your wife with gifts (within your means). Never remind her of the favours that you confer upon her. Provide her with her own monthly allowance (according to your means) over and above your household expenses. This money will then belong to her, thereby allowing her freedom of choice to purchase items for her personal needs, without having to account for how it was spent. It is your Islamic obligation to be the breadwinner of the family. Never shirk in your responsibility and unduly burden your wife with the onerous task of supporting your family. This unnecessary strain on her will be a cause of great sorrow. You will be answerable to Allah Ta`ala for neglecting your fundamental duty to your family. Encouraging and Complimenting: Compliment your wife on her dressing. If you do not approve of any aspect of her dressing, then instead of rebuking her, rather explain to her in a gentle and loving manner your likes and dislikes. Just as you would like to see her smartly dressed, you too should dress smartly for her (all within the confines of the sharee’ah). Compliment your wife's cooking after meals. Overlook the little shortcomings, e.g. if the salt is less or if the food is not prepared on time. If your wife is troubled with worries or is depressed, then be sympathetic and encourage her to discuss the problem with you. Make du'aa for her. Be an anchor of support and a pillar of strength for her by practically expressing your moral support. This will Insha-Allah make her truly appreciate your heartfelt concern for her. Forgiving and Overlooking: Learn to tolerate slight misbehaviour, or little displeasing acts committed by your wife. Endeavour to change her habits like carelessness, laziness, etc. with advice and admonition. This must be given tactfully, with wisdom and patience. RULE WITH LOVE AND NEVER WITH THE IRON FIST. It is among her rights upon you that you tolerate her. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: “A woman is created from a crooked rib (therefore there is crookedness in her character). If you try to straighten her, you will break her. Hence, take benefit from her despite her crookedness” (Muslim #3634). Learn to forgive your wife. Forgive her as many times as you would like Allah Ta’ala to forgive you for your errors. Remember the proverb "To err is human, to forgive is Divine." If you dislike some qualities in her, she will possess other qualities that will please you. Focus on her positive qualities. No one is perfect. Remember that the grass always seems greener on the other side. When you are overcome by anger and wish to physically or verbally abuse her, then remember that Allah Ta’ala, whose trust she is, possesses greater power than you do. Immediately move away from that place, drink water, and recite a’oozu billahi minash shaitaanir rajeem. If possible, make wudhu. Remember that after the expression of every bout of anger, there is regret.

Advice to Husbands - Part 1 Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said, "The best amongst you are those who are best towards their wives, and I am the best to my wives" (Tirmizi #4651). Entering and leaving the home: When leaving home in the morning, make a point of not leaving without making salaam. When entering the home, always make salaam cheerfully, no matter how difficult your day may have been. Salaam is a means of engendering great love and happiness in the home. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) advised Anas (radiyallahu anhu) thus: “Oh my son! When you enter your home, make salaam to your family. It will be a means of blessings for you and for them” (Tirmizi #2698). General conduct: Live with her and speak to her in the manner that you would want someone to treat your own sister or daughter. Implement the beautiful sunnah of smiling. Smile more and frown less. This virtuous act of smiling should not be expressed outside to strangers only, rather to one’s own wife also. Smiling is an act of charity. Create such a loving presence at home that your family members look forward to see you, they should not be dreading your return or hoping that you never come home. Express your love to your wife often and make her feel wanted. Laugh and joke with her within the limits of sharee’ah. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) used to engage in light-hearted conversation with his wives. Endeavour to eat and drink from the same utensil. Sometimes place a morsel of food in each other's mouth (not only to be practiced when newly-wed). This will increase mutual love and one will be rewarded for this. Spend quality time with your wife and children. The time spent with them is an act of 'ibaadat (worship). Apart from religious activities and necessary business activities, devote yourself to your family. Insha-Allah, it will reap excellent dividends. Share in the upkeep and maintenance of the home. Doing household chores is a sunnah of Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) that breeds humility and displays compassion and kindness. Examples of this are cleaning, sweeping, laying the food-cloth, looking after the children, etc. Control your tongue at all times. Remember that wounds afflicted by swords may heal, but the wounds afflicted by the tongue very seldom heal. Avoid raising your voice and NEVER yell at your wife. Regard your wife's parents as your own, address them politely, and treat them kindly as you would treat your own parents. Accord them the same respect and honour as your own parents.

It is necessary to cover the face Haya...for a full explantion I think you should read this explanation; http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/18325 The following is from the conclusion Your comment: I dont think thats a genuine reason to uncover the face

"You don't wake up for tahajjud, You're woken up for tahajjud (by Allah)"

"The traveller of this world has blisters on his feet The traveller of the spiritual world has blisters on his heart"

"A mother does not await the return of her long lost son as much as the way Allah ta'ala awaits the return of His sinful slave"

Sunnats and Aadaab of Sleeping – Part 9 1. At the time one wakes up for Tahajjud, one should recite the following: 1) اللَّهُمَّ لَكَ الْحَمْدُ أَنْتَ قَيِّمُ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَمَنْ فِيهِنَّ وَلَكَ الْحَمْدُ لَكَ مُلْكُ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَمَنْ فِيهِنَّ وَلَكَ الْحَمْدُ اَنْتَ نُورُ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَمَن فِيهِنَّ وَلَكَ الْحَمْدُ أَنْتَ الْحَقُّ وَوَعْدُكَ الْحَقُّ وَلِقَاؤُكَ حَقٌّ وَقَوْلُكَ حَقٌّ وَالْجَنَّةُ حَقٌّ وَالنَّارُ حَقٌّ وَالنَّبِيُّونَ حَقٌّ وَمُحَمَّدٌ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ حَقٌّ وَالسَّاعَةُ حَقٌّ اللَّهُمَّ لَكَ أَسْلَمْتُ وَبِكَ آمَنْتُ وَعَلَيْكَ تَوَكَّلْتُ وَإِلَيْكَ أَنَبْتُ وَبِكَ خَاصَمْتُ وَإِلَيْكَ حَاكَمْتُ فَاغْفِرْ لِي مَا قَدَّمْتُ وَمَا أَخَّرْتُ وَمَا أَسْرَرْتُ وَمَا أَعْلَنْتُ أَنْتَ الْمُقَدِّمُ وَأَنْتَ الْمُؤَخِّرُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ وَلَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ O Allah, all praise belongs to You and You are the sustainer of the heavens and the Earth and whatever is contained within them. All praise belongs to You and to You belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the Earth and whatever is contained within them. All praise belongs to You and You are the noor (i.e. light) of the heavens and the Earth and whatever is contained within them. You are Haqq, Your promises are true and Your meeting is true. Your speech is true, Paradise is true and Hell is true. The messengers are true and Hadhrat Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) is true. The last hour is true. O Allah, I have surrendered to You alone. I have Imaan upon You alone. I have placed my trust and reliance upon You alone. It is only towards You that I turn. It is only on account of You (i.e. with Your help) do I dispute (with the kuffaar in proving the truth). It is only towards You do I turn for judgement. Thus forgive my sins, my past sins and my future sins, those sins done in secret and those sins committed openly. You are the first and You are the last. There is none worthy of worship besides You, and there is no power (to do good) nor any ability (to abstain from evil) except with the help of Allah Ta’ala. 2) The last ten verses of Surah Aal-e-Imraan (i.e. starting from the verse: إِنَّ فِي خَلْقِ السَّموتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَاخْتِلَافِ اللَّيْلِ وَالنَّهَارِ لَآيتٍ لِأُولِي الْأَلْبَابِ عن ابن عباس رضي الله عنهما قال كان النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم إذا قام من الليل يتهجد قال: اللهم لك الحمد أنت قيم السموات والأرض ومن فيهن، ولك الحمد لك ملك السموات والأرض ومن فيهن ولك الحمد أنت نور السموات والأرض ومن فيهن ولك الحمد أنت ملك السموات والأرض ولك الحمد أنت الحق ووعدك الحق ولقاؤك حق وقولك حق والجنة حق والنار حق والنبيون حق ومحمد صلى الله عليه وسلم حق والساعة حق اللهم لك أسلمت وبك آمنت وعليك توكلت وإليك أنبت وبك خاصمت وإليك حاكمت فاغفر لي ما قدمت وما أخرت وما أسررت وما أعلنت أنت المقدم وأنت المؤخر لا إله إلا أنت ( أو: لا إله غيرك) قال سفيان: وزاد عبد الكريم أبو أمية "ولا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله" (بخاري رقم 1120) Hadhrat ibn Abbaas (Radhiallahu Anhuma) reports that when Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) would stand up to perform tahajjud at night, he would recite the following duaa: اللَّهُمَّ لَكَ الْحَمْدُ أَنْتَ قَيِّمُ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَمَنْ فِيهِنَّ وَلَكَ الْحَمْدُ لَكَ مُلْكُ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَمَنْ فِيهِنَّ وَلَكَ الْحَمْدُ اَنْتَ نُورُ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَلَكَ الْحَمْدُ أَنْتَ الْحَقُّ وَوَعْدُكَ الْحَقُّ وَلِقَاؤُكَ حَقٌّ وَقَوْلُكَ حَقٌّ وَالْجَنَّةُ حَقٌّ وَالنَّارُ حَقٌّ وَالنَّبِيُّونَ حَقٌّ وَمُحَمَّدٌ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ حَقٌّ وَالسَّاعَةُ حَقٌّ اللَّهُمَّ لَكَ أَسْلَمْتُ وَبِكَ آمَنْتُ وَعَلَيْكَ تَوَكَّلْتُ وَإِلَيْكَ أَنَبْتُ وَبِكَ خَاصَمْتُ وَإِلَيْكَ حَاكَمْتُ فَاغْفِرْ لِي مَا قَدَّمْتُ وَمَا أَخَّرْتُ وَمَا أَسْرَرْتُ وَمَا أَعْلَنْتُ أَنْتَ الْمُقَدِّمُ وَأَنْتَ الْمُؤَخِّرُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ وَلَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ عن ابن عباس رضي الله عنهما أنه رقد عند النبى صلى الله عليه وسلم فرآه استيقظ فتسوك وتوضأ وهو يقول إن فى خلق السموات والأرض حتى ختم السورة (ابو داود رقم 1355) Hadhrat ibn Abbaas (Radhiallahu Anhuma) reports that on one occasion he spent the night by Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). He saw that when he woke up at night (to perform tahajjud), he would use the miswaak and perform wudhu, and he would recite the following Aayat (of Surah Aal-e-Imraan) till the end of the surah: إِنَّ فِي خَلْقِ السَّموتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَاخْتِلَافِ اللَّيْلِ وَالنَّهَارِ لَآيتٍ لِأُولِي الْأَلْبَابِ

ROUND LIKE A SHOT. 36 year old, Tony Gladstone was on his way to bed one night when he noticed people in his shed, stealing. He called the police who told him there were no units in the area but that they would get someone out as soon as possible. He hung up but called back a minute later. “Hello, I rang a few minutes ago to say that there were people in my shed. I just wanted to let you know that there’s no need to hurry anymore, I’ve shot them.” Within minutes, there were half a dozen police cars, including an armed response unit and a helicopter! The police caught the burglars red handed. One of the officers remarked to Mr Gladstone, “I thought you said that you’d shot them.” “I thought you said you had nobody in the area,” he retorted.

(Click on picture to enlarge)

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Why is Your Answer about Hijab with Non-Mahram In-Laws so Lenient? Question I was reading one of your answers regarding the obligation of Hijab with one’s non-mahram in-laws titled: ‘Interacting and Hijab with my Sister in-Law.’ With all due respect, I do not agree with the Hijab concession given by yourself (and the Fatwa given by the scholars of Dar al-Uloom Karachi) for a woman in front of her non-Mahram in-laws, such as the brother in-law! There is so much Fitna out there these days. There are many cases of marital affairs taking place between in-laws. Didn’t the Prophet of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) compare the in-laws to death? Please elaborate. ANSWER In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful, May Allah reward you for bringing this important issue to my attention. It seems that there has been some sort of misunderstanding, or the issue was not explained properly. Nevertheless, in order to correctly understand the Shari’a ruling, the matter needs to be explained in somewhat detail. It is a known fact that Islam has laid down certain restrictions in regards to interacting with a non-Mahram (marriageable kin) member of the opposite gender, even if he or she may be a close relative. These restrictions are not limited to covering certain parts of the body; rather, they go much beyond that. In fact, the Qur’an and Sunna have put in place a set of rules relating to male-female interaction, which can be collectively termed the ‘Rules of Hijab’. Some aspects of these rules are as follows: 1) The Prohibition of Khalwah Being alone with a non-Mahram of the opposite sex in a room or place where a third person is not easily able to enter upon them, or it is not usually accessible to others (khalwah), is categorically forbidden (haram) and hence must be avoided. There are many Hadiths of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) indicating this, for example: Sayyiduna Abdullah ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, ‘A man must not remain alone in the company of a woman, and a woman must not travel except that her Mahram is accompanying her.’ (Sahih al-Bukhari 2488) Sayyiduna Umar ibn al-Khattab (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, ‘A man does not be alone with a woman except that the third amongst them is Satan.’ (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1171) For more details on the rules of Khalwah, please refer to the answer posted previously on our website titled: ‘Being alone with someone of the opposite sex in a work situation’. 2) Covering the Awra It is a categorically established ruling of Islam that both men and women must dress modestly such that their nakedness (awra) is covered properly with loose and non see-through clothing. A man’s Awra is from his navel up to and including his knees, whilst a woman’s Awra in the presence of non-Mahram men consists of her whole body except the face, hands and feet. As such, it is a grave sin to expose one’s Awra in the presence of Non-Mahrams. For more details, please refer to the answer posted previously on our website titled: ‘A Comprehensive Guide to a Woman’s Nakedness (awra)’ . 3) The Prohibition of Informal Interaction Informal interaction between those who are not Mahram to one another, meaning talking freely and casually, joking around, being flirtatious in the conversation, is also categorically forbidden and a major sin. In Surah al-Ahzab (v: 32), Allah Most High commands the wives of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) in particular, and all Muslim women in general, to abstain from conversing with non-Mahram men in a soft and sweet tone. As such, when the need arises to talk, both the content and manner of conversation must be appropriate and free of anything enticing. The dialogue must be in a modest and restrained manner, and limited to the extent of need. For more details, please refer to the answer posted previously on our website titled: ‘Mixed Gatherings’. 4) The Prohibition of Wearing Perfume It has been categorically forbidden in rigorously authenticated Hadiths for a woman to wear perfume when she is in the presence of a non-Mahram man. Sayyiduna Abu Musa (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, ‘If a woman wears perfume and passes by a group of [non-Mahram] men, and they smell her perfume, she is such and such.’ The narrator says that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) used stern words. (Sunan Abi Dawud 4170) 5) Lowering the Gaze Allah Most High in Surah al-Nur commands both believing men and believing women to lower their gazes and guard their private parts (v: 30-31). As such, one important aspect of the ‘Rules of Hijab’ is for both genders to avoid casting lustful gazes at one another. All four mainstream Sunni Schools of Islamic law (madhhabs) agree that it is unlawful and sinful for a man to gaze at a woman if there is certainty, strong possibility or even a doubt of being attracted to her (shahwa). As for when he is convinced that there is no possibility of attraction, the early Hanafi jurists did permit him gazing at her face. However, many later jurists ruled that this was close-to-impossible, especially in later times, hence even when there is no possibility of attraction; it is not permitted for him to look at the face of a young woman. Yes, if the woman is old, then there is some leeway. As for the woman, if she is convinced that she will not be attracted to the man and does not fear Fitna, it is permitted for her to gaze at a non-Mahram man. (See: Radd al-Muhtar, Mughni al-Muhtaj, Hashiyat al-Khurshi ala Mukhtasar al-Khalil and Al-Mughni) 6) Covering the Face (Niqab) Scholars disagree whether it is necessary for a woman to cover her face from non-Mahram men. However, my position and the position of most of my teachers is that it is necessary (wajib) for a woman to cover her face in ‘normal’ situations. The transmitted and authoritative position of the Hanafi School, as mentioned in virtually all the major fiqh books, is that even though the face is not part of a woman’s nakedness (awra), it is still necessary for her to cover it, due to the many evidences found in the Qur’an and Sunna, and due to the fitna involved in not doing so. (Radd al-Muhtar 1/406) However, due to the texts obligating the Niqab not being categorical, scholars state that if there is a genuine need (hajah) to expose the face; for example, a woman fears physical or extreme verbal abuse, or she fears harm unto herself when walking in a crowded area such as in Hajj, then it is permitted for her not to wear the Niqab, but she should try keeping her face away from non-Mahram men as much as possible. Note that the level of ‘need (hajah)’ which allows her to expose her face is not the absolute situation of dire necessity (dharura) – which makes all prohibitions lawful such as eating pork and drinking alcohol to save one’s life. A level of ‘dire necessity’ is required for categorically-established prohibitions to become lawful, so one would have to be in danger of losing their life in order to eat pork or drink alcohol. In the case of uncovering the face, however, a lesser level termed ‘Hajah’ is enough to earn the concession. So a woman does not have to fear for her life; but rather, undue hardship and difficulty is sufficient. This distinction comes about due to the fact that the prohibition of uncovering the face is not categorically established like the prohibition of eating pork or drinking alcohol. (See: Takmila Fath al-Mulhim 4/261 and Usul al-Iftaa by Mufti Taqi Usmani) It is clear from the above explanation that there are many aspects to the ‘Rules of Hijab’ between men and women. The first five rules – namely, the prohibition of being alone, the obligation of covering the Awra, the prohibition of interacting freely, the prohibition of applying perfume, and the obligation of lowering the gaze have all been categorically established from the sacred texts (with some minor differences in rule number five concerning the gaze). However, rule number six, concerning the obligation of a woman covering her face, is not categorically established from the texts of the Qur’an and Sunna. It is for this reason that some scholars do not consider covering the face to be Wajib, although our opinion, as discussed previously, is that it is Wajib for a woman to cover her face unless she fears genuine hardship. It is also clear that observing the five categorically-established rules is more important than covering the face/wearing a Niqab. Yet, unfortunately, some women restrict the ‘Rules of Hijab’ to the wearing of the Niqab. They wear the Niqab, but are casual and informal when interacting with non-Mahram men. Others emerge out of their homes immersed in perfume yet they wear the Niqab! This defeats the whole purpose of wearing the Niqab. As such, it is extremely important for Niqab-wearing women, and indeed all Muslim women, to take care of the first five rules mentioned above. Furthermore, as explained earlier, due to the first five rules being categorically established from the sacred texts, no concession is given except in situations of dire necessity. As such, the prohibition of being alone, for example, is not uplifted unless there is a situation of dire necessity similar to the situation which allows eating pork and drinking alcohol – where one fears for their life or risks losing an organ of their body. As for the obligation of covering the face, it is uplifted in lesser situations, and as such, if a woman finds genuine hardship in wearing the Niqab, then it is permitted for her to not do so. (One should consult a reliable scholar to check whether their situation is a ‘genuine’ situation of need). It is in this context that major scholars from the Subcontinent and the Arab world (who normally consider covering the face to be Wajib) issued their legal verdict (fatwa) that in the case of a joint family where non-Mahram family members (such as one’s brother-in-law or one’s sister-in-law) live together in the same house or they regularly come in and out of the house, and thus, a woman finds genuine difficulty in wearing the Niqab all the time, it is permitted for her to expose her face, hands (only up to the wrists) and feet. Imagine how difficult it can be for a woman to keep her face covered with the Niqab within the house all the time! However, this does not mean that all the other aspects of the ‘Rules of Hijab’ are also compromised. On the contrary, it will still be forbidden to be alone with the non-Mahram relative. It will still be obligatory for her to fully cover the rest of her body (awra). It will still be forbidden to interact freely. It will still be forbidden for the woman to apply perfume in the presence of the non-Mahram male. It will still be obligatory for the man to lower his gaze as much as possible. In other words, the previous answer is only compromising one non-categorically established ruling due to genuine hardship, but all the other categorically established rulings of Hijab must still be strictly adhered to, especially Khalwah and informal interaction. Finally, you referred to the Hadith in which the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) compared one’s in-laws to death. Let us first look at the translation of the Hadith and then seek to explain it. Sayyiduna Uqba ibn Amir (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, ‘Beware of entering upon women.’ A man of the Ansar said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what about in-laws?’ He (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘In-laws are death!’ (Sahih al-Bukhari 4934 and Sahih Muslim 2172) This Hadith is not in relation to the covering of the face; but rather, the words of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace): ‘Beware of entering upon women’ themselves indicate that the prohibition is of being alone in privacy with a non-Mahram. It is for this reason that Imam al-Bukhari mentions this Hadith under the heading: ‘Chapter: A man should not be alone with a woman unless he is a Mahram, nor visit a woman whose husband is absent.’ The Hadith is mentioned in Sahih Muslim under the heading: ‘Chapter: On the prohibition of being alone with an unrelated woman and entering upon her.’ Commenting on this Hadith, Imam Nawawi (Allah have mercy on him) explains that this Hadith prohibits being in privacy with a non-Mahram woman – something which is agreed upon by all the scholars. He then quotes Layth ibn Sa’d (Allah have mercy on him) who says that the ‘in-laws’ in the Hadith refers to a relative of the husband other than his father and sons [who are considered Mahram to his wife), such as his brother, nephew and cousin. He further explains that as for his saying: ‘In-laws are death’, it means that one should be extra careful with non-Mahram in-laws since the possibility of mischief (fitna) is greater. Given the comfortable, social atmosphere that may exist within the home, it is very easy for him to approach the woman and be with her in private, without people blaming him for doing so. (See: Nawawi, Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim, P: 1626) As such, this oft-quoted Hadith is actually warning against being alone with a non-Mahram relative. It is surely unlawful for a man to be alone in a room with his sister-in-law, for example. The Hadith is not discussing the issue of covering the face/wearing the Niqab. In conclusion, the concession given to a joint family, where one lives with a non-Mahram such as the brother-in-law, is limited to uncovering the face. However, all the other major aspects of the ‘Rules of Hijab’ such as not being alone in a room and not communicating freely must still be adhered to strictly. And Allah knows best [Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam Darul Iftaa Leicester , UK Source