Twenty Ways to Increase Love in Marriage

[ummtaalib]

 

 

Islam places great importance on marriage, viewing it as the foundation of the family and society. Through marriage, families are established, and it provides the only Halaal and legitimate means of intimacy between a man and a woman.

 

Allah Ta’ala describes marriage as a strong covenant. Allah Ta’ala says: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)

 

1. Practise patience. Patience is essential in family life. Many marital difficulties arise when spouses fail to tolerate one another’s shortcomings.

 

2. Exchange gifts. Gifts strengthen affection, even when they are simple and inexpensive. Rasulullah sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallamsaid: “Give gifts to each other, as this will make you love one another.” (Al-Adab al-Mufrad)

 

3. Make time to talk. Despite busy schedules, spouses should set aside time to sit together and communicate without the distraction of television, mobile phones or social media.

 

4. Greet each other warmly. Make Salaam upon entering the home and enquire about one another’s well-being. Rasulullah sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: “You will not enter Jannah until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I show you something which, if you do it, will make you love one another? Spread Salaam among yourselves.” (Sahih Muslim)

 

5. Praise each other. Express appreciation through sincere compliments. Tell your spouse how blessed you feel to have them and acknowledge their good qualities.

 

6. Never compare your spouse to others. Comparisons with other husbands or wives create resentment and hurt. Appreciate your spouse’s individual qualities instead of measuring your marriage against someone else’s.

 

7. Pamper and cherish each other. Both spouses need affection and attention. Compliment one another’s appearance, fragrance and efforts, and make each other feel valued.

 

8. Share household responsibilities. Participate in household chores and help one another. Working together demonstrates consideration and prevents one spouse from feeling overwhelmed.

 

9. Practise kindness and speak gently. A kind word, a smile and thoughtful behaviour can strengthen love. Ibn Abbaas (radiyallahu anhuma) would groom himself before meeting his wife, demonstrating his understanding of the mutual rights of spouses.

 

10. Spend quality time with your children. Sit together as a family, speak to the children and listen to them instead of allowing television and mobile phones to dominate family life. A peaceful and connected home benefits the entire family.

 

11. Show support and care. Stand by your spouse during illness, hardship and emotional difficulty. Being present when your spouse needs you demonstrates genuine love and commitment.

 

12. Break the monotony of routine. When married life becomes dull, introduce thoughtful surprises, affectionate notes or special outings. Small changes can renew appreciation and excitement without creating unnecessary arguments or conflict.

 

13. Be honest and communicate wisely. Discuss your feelings and problems honestly, while avoiding arguments in front of the children. If difficulties arise, first try to resolve them calmly between yourselves. If necessary, seek the assistance of a trustworthy mediator before involving others.

 

Sayyidah Aa’ishah (radiyallahu ‘anha) reported that Rasulullah sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam told her that he could recognise when she was pleased or upset with him. When upset, she would say, “No, by the Lord of Ibraahim,” rather than mentioning the name of Rasulullah sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. This narration illustrates the closeness and understanding between them.

 

14. Address each other affectionately. Use names and expressions of endearment that your spouse appreciates. Rasulullah sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam  affectionately addressed ‘Aa’ishah (radiyallahu ‘anha), demonstrating the value of tenderness in marriage.

 

15. Keep the bedroom a place of peace and affection. Avoid turning bedtime into an occasion for complaints, financial discussions or arguments. Address problems at an appropriate time and preserve opportunities for rest, affection and intimacy.

 

16. Express gratitude. Thank your spouse for their efforts and sacrifices. For example, acknowledge how hard they work and make Du‘aa for them by saying, “Baarakallahu feek” (May Allah bless you). Gratitude helps spouses feel recognised and appreciated.

 

17. Apologise when you are wrong. Acknowledge your mistakes sincerely and apologise without making excuses. Saying, “I am sorry; I did not mean to hurt you,” can help repair emotional wounds and restore trust.

 

18. Maintain mutual respect. Love cannot flourish where respect is absent. Avoid belittling, insulting or humiliating your spouse, particularly during disagreements. Respect must remain even when you differ.

 

19. Avoid stubbornness, pride and arrogance. Do not allow the desire to win an argument to become more important than preserving your marriage. Be humble, considerate and willing to reconcile. Both spouses should make sincere efforts to restore peace rather than allowing resentment to continue.

 

20. Recognise and fulfil each other’s rights through love and compassion. The rights of spouses are serious, and both must strive to fulfil their obligations.

 

Conclusion

 

A successful marriage requires consistent effort from both spouses. Patience, gifts, communication, kindness, gratitude, respect and a willingness to apologise all contribute to a home filled with love and tranquillity.

 

If you can put these twenty things that increase love into practice, then you will find your marital life to be fruitful, joyful and full of love, Insha’Allah.

 

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