By Bint e Aisha
10 Valuable Points for Happy Marriage
1. Both spouses should have the Fear of Allah. Allah consciousness is the core of a successful marriage.
2. Both spouses should never be angry at the same time.
3. There are sometimes arguments between spouses. If one has to win the argument, let it be the other. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Let him/her win the argument.
4. Both spouses should never shout at each other unless ‘the house is on fire!’.
5. If you have to criticise, then do it lovingly, with wisdom and diplomacy. Be a mirror to your husband/wife.
6. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
7. You should neglect the whole world, rather than your marriage partner.
8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled.
9. At least once a day express your gratitude to your partner.
10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness. Do not justify your wrongs.
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Mahmood | darulmahmood.net
Love & Unity
By Shaykh-ul-Hadīth, Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh
Importance of Unity
The strength of any group or nation lies in unity. If they unite, they will be capable of facing challenges with ease. Our beloved Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has greatly emphasized unity and strove to unite the Ummah throughout his blessed life. Once during a journey, whilst Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam was in his tent, he heard the cries of two Sahābah radhiyallāhu ‘anhumā, one calling out to the Muhājirīn and the other to the Ansār; each one was looking for help against the other. Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam fearing disunity amongst the Sahābah radhiyallāhu ‘anhum, immediately got up and quickly reached the place of argument and said, “What is this call of the period of ignorance? Leave it aside, because it is filthy.” (Al-Bukhārī) During the period of ignorance, the people were divided on the basis of tribes, and they would support each other only on that basis; who was right and who was wrong did not matter to them. After the advent of Islām they had all become brothers through the Grace of Allāh ta‘ālā. Allāh ta‘ālā says:
Love Leads to Unity
For unity to come into existence, love is necessary. Where there is love there will be unity and where there is hatred there will be disunity. This is why Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam encouraged all those things that create love and discouraged everything that leads to animosity and hatred. A few examples are:
Six Steps to Creating Love
In order to create love between ourselves, we need to do the following:
1) Follow the whole Dīn of Allāh ta‘ālā. Allāh ta‘ālā says in the Glorious Qur’ān:
Loving others and not having hatred for them is part of ‘good deeds’ too. So when people carry out good deeds, they will entertain love for people and as a result people will love them too.
2) Adorn ourselves with good character and from them a very important one is humbleness. Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:
In order for a person to become elevated, others must have love and respect for him. Moreover, a person with humbleness will respect and love people and will surely be immune from hatred.
3) Help each other remaining within the boundaries of Dīn. Allāh ta‘ālā states:
It is human nature that when someone confers a favour upon us, we experience a feeling of love and admiration for them in our hearts.
4) Become abstinent and do not desire what Allāh ta‘ālā has given to others. Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:
5) Exchange gifts. Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:
6) Spread salām. Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:
Unity is something we must strive for at all levels, from our personal lives in terms of family and friends; on a local community level such as within our masājid, workplace etc; and on a national and international level with brothers and sisters throughout the world. Let us try our best to carry out the above mentioned six points and Allāh ta‘ālā will enlighten our hearts with love for each other inshā’allāh. Once this happens, unity will automatically follow.
May Allāh ta‘ālā safeguard us all from disunity and everything that leads to disunity and grant us all the ability to inculcate love for one another so that we can remain united. Āmīn.
© Riyādul Jannah (Vol. 27 No. 2, February 2018)
Absolute Submission Sayyiduna Mugheerah bin Shu’bah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports the following incident: On one occasion, I sent a proposal to marry a girl of the Ansaar. When I mentioned this to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), he asked me, “Did you see the girl?” When I replied in the negative, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) recommended to me, “Look at her, for it is more likely that there will be affection and love between you (i.e. if you marry her after looking at her and finding her pleasing to your eye, there will be a greater chance of your marriage prospering).” I thus proceeded to the girl’s home and told her parents what Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) had mentioned. Hearing that I wanted to look at their daughter, the parents were reluctant. Hence, I stood and began to leave their home. As I was leaving, the girl asked her parents to call me back. When I returned, she stood at the edge of the curtain and said, “If Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) instructed you to look at me then I permit you to do so. If not, then I strictly forbid you to look at me.” Accordingly, I looked at her and married her. Subsequently, she was extremely beloved to me and honoured in my sight. (Ibnun Najjaar – Kanzul ‘Ummaal #45619) Lessons: 1. The hayaa (modesty) of the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) and their protectiveness over their womenfolk was such that the parents of the girl were initially reluctant when Sayyiduna Mugheerah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) asked to see their daughter. Similarly, until she learnt that it was the instruction of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), the daughter was not prepared to allow any strange man to look at her. 2. The Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) were blessed with the quality of absolute submission before the instruction of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Hence, they always put their own intellect, understanding and emotion aside and completely complied with the wishes and desires of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), understanding that this was the key to success in both worlds. Similarly, if we wish true happiness and success, we will have to adhere strictly to the teachings of Deen. 3. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) has taught us the guidelines that need to be adhered to regarding marriage, and has told us that following these guidelines are the key to a prosperous marriage. Hence, if we surpass the bounds of shari‘ah and begin to engage in impermissible practices, such as the boy and girl communicating or even dating before marriage, we will lose the barakah (blessings) and help of Allah Ta‘ala which is essential for the marriage to prosper. Thus, we should always refer to the ‘Ulama to find out the limits of shari‘ah so that we can ensure that we remain within the parameters of Deen. uswatulmuslimah
An Important Lesson for Married Couples This post is primarily directed at men. However, it applies to women also. Once a man approached a scholar renowned for his profound wisdom and experience, to complain to him, saying, “When I was fascinated by my wife, she was in my sight, the most beautiful thing in this world ever created by Allah.” “When I proposed to her, I began to see others equal to her in beauty.” “When I married her, I saw many others who were more elegant than her!” “A few years after our marriage, it appears to me as though all the women of this world are more classic and more sophisticated than my wife!” The wise man: “Shall I tell you what is more disastrous and more bitter?” The man replied: “Yes.” The wise man: “Were you to marry all the women in this world, you will find the stray dogs on the highways more attractive than all the women of the world!” The man: “Why do you say so?” The wise man: “Because the problem is not with your wife. The problem is, if a person were gifted a covetous heart and lustful eyes, and he is lacking in bashfulness, nothing satisfies his gaze except the sand of his grave. Your problem is that you do not lower your gaze from what Allah has prohibited. Do you want your wife to be returned to her previous lofty position as the most beautiful woman on earth? The man: “Yes.” The wise man: “Lower your gaze. Allah says, “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.” That which is not in your possession will always appear to you to be better and more precious than what is in your possession. But once you lay your hands on it, it becomes ordinary. Be content with what you possess and do not be selfish, courting all that glitter till you land in your grave. The worship of Allah is better and more attractive. The sweetness of good deeds are only appreciated by those who live for it. Finally, do not forget to invoke Allah to always beautify your spouse in your sight and grant you his or her love and compassion. Jamiatul Ulama (KZN)
Council of Muslim Theologians
By Bint e Aisha
When Desire Takes Over: Advice For College & University Students
by Mawlana Abdus Subhan Dalvi