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Bint e Aisha

Love before marriage

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Question

 

Assalamoalaequm,

In Islam is any sort of relationship allowed between the sexes before marriage? I was approached by an older cousin who loves me very much but marriage is impossible for the next few years due to my age and the circumstances. I did not think that a secret affair would be right so I have since turned him down. He claimed that to love is not a sin only under some rules and regulations given by Islam. Was I right in refusing him even though I liked him a lot? And is it haraam upon me to think about/remember him? Jazakallahkhair. 


 

Answer

 

Bismillaah-ir-Rahmaan-ir-Raheem.

Wa 'Alaykum-us-Salaam wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh.

1) Islam does not permit any sort of relationship before marriage. Islam forbids fornication, and all actions that could lead to it eventually, and this begins by speaking and looking. This is the unique Islamic way of destroying evil from the root.

2) He claims to love you very much, but if you are not considering marriage, it would be best for you to let go of the idea. It is worth considering, that what the youth of today see as undying love, is many a time nothing more than infatuation and puppy love. True love is the mutual feeling that Allaah creates between man and woman through the Barakah of Nikaah. You are still young, and your outlook in life, and your likes and dislikes will vastly change over the next few years. At this stage, you cannot be sure that this is what you want for life. It would be best for you to forget about him, and ask him to forget about you. If you are written for each other, let it happen at the right time, and in the right manner. Do not force your destiny to unfold before its time. 

3) Your refusal of pursuing a Haraam (illicit) relationship, was the right and Islamic thing to do, which most certainly earned you the pleasure of Allaah, inshaAllaah.

4) Thinking about a non-mahram (strange) man voluntarily, is a sin. However if these thoughts come involuntarily, banish them immediately, seek forgiveness and make the Zhikr of Allaah. If you entertain them you shall be sinful. 

And Allaah knows best.

Wa Billaah-it-tawfiq.

Wassalaam.
 

A. Z. Pandor

 

Taken from: Muftisays

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Temporary Pleasures

Remember the pleasures of committing sins are temporary whilst the punishment of sin is permanent. One involved in sin may read a hundred thousand Tahajjuds (supererogatory prayers late at night), perform Haj and Ummra year after year and yet such a person's despicable humiliating actions will never be forgotten by one whom the sin was committed with. Both will be seen as absolutely mean and hateful in each others sight. Is this a small punishment?

Hakeem ul Ummah (r.a.) says that both parties that participated in sin appear degraded in each other's sight. He also mentioned that love for anyone besides Allah is in fact the punishment of Allah. One experiences the punishment of Jahannam (hell) while still in this world.

Shaykh Haji Imdadullah (r.a.) says that the end result of colour, shape and all outward beauty is eventual hatred and dislike. When time or ailment claims beauty, the old admirer does not even greet the other. In their prime they promised kingdoms to each other. However, with the passage of time and the appearance of wrinkles on the smooth skin one addresses the other:

"You were always prepared to sacrifice a kingdom or two to prove your love. What are you prepared to do for me now?" The reply is invariably, "By merely looking at you, I develop a fever, let alone sacrificing anything. I dread the very nightmare of looking at you."

Shaykh Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar Saheb
(Tajalliat-E-Jazb)

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