ummtaalib

Isra-eel does not just use physical force to expel Palestinians from their homes. For DECADES and until now, they use resources such as water to drive Palestinians out of their homes including the redirection of water from farmland to illegal settlements Mariam ~ مريم (@mimoaj90) • Instagram photos and videos

Love Style (Attachment Theory) According to psychologists, each person’s childhood experiences have a tremendous impact on a person which continues throughout life. It forms the roots of who they are and how they react in situations, how they respond to others and how they express love. It has been recognised that change is possible once it is understood why a person behaves as he/she does and for us as Muslim women, we know Allah ta’ala has given us the ability to choose who we are because we have been given the ability to change. What is Love Style? Milan Yerkovich (a pastoral counsellor) and Kay Yerkovich (licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) say people tend to fall into one of five categories called “Love Styles” which will help us understand the underlying factors and react accordingly, avoiding negativity and in this way help ourselves and others in our relationships. Note: This is not to make anyone feel sad or bad or to blame parents or carers for their childhood experiences, but to learn why we, and others, react the way we do in our relationships. It will also help us as parents, not to fall into these traps. What are the 5 Love Styles? The Pleaser Pleasers usually grow up in a home with a parent who is overly protective, angry, and/or critical. Pleaser children do everything they can to “be good” to get positive responses and avoid troubling their highly-reactive parent; they learn to spend their energy comforting or appeasing their parent, instead of receiving comfort themselves. They are uncomfortable with conflict. As adults, Pleasers tend to continually monitor the moods of those around them in an attempt to keep everyone happy and have a hard time saying no. However, this can lead to resentment, an emotion that can break down a relationship. In some cases, others may become aware of the condition of the Pleaser and take advantage leading to resentment and a toxic relationship. For the Pleaser to have a stable relationship, they have to learn to say no respectfully and give the reason why they cannot take a responsibility. The Victim This is where a child grows up in a chaotic home. Children survive a chaotic home environment by trying to “stay under the radar”, making themselves as invisible as possible. They’ll hide and appease, learning how to escape into their own heads to lessen the pain from their angry, violent, chaotic parents. Victims lack a sense of self-worth and are often anxious and depressed. Rather than engage, they’ll resort to just “going through the motions” in order to get by. Victims may emulate their childhood home environment by pursuing a relationship with a Controller. When children are involved in such a relationship, the Victim may even inflict their suppressed anger on their children whenever the Controller is not present. For the Victim to have a healthy relationship, he/she should have self-love and stand up for themselves and not let others walk over them. The Controller Controllers did not have a lot of love and need control to remove the feeling of being controlled in childhood. Having control means having protection from feelings like fear, humiliation. While control can be either highly rigid or sporadic and unpredictable, Controllers rarely realize the true reason they feel the need to be in charge. They do not ask for help and get things done themselves in a certain manner and get very angry if others do not follow that way. To have a healthy relationship, the Controller needs to let go and trust in Allah and have trust in others. They also need to keep anger at bay. The Vacillator Growing up with an unpredictable parent, Vacillators’ needs aren’t top priority. Without consistent parental affection they develop feelings of abandonment, and by the time the parent feels like giving again, their child is tired of waiting and too angry to receive. They feel very misunderstood and have internal conflicts with themselves. They are very sensitive and perceptive to others. To have a healthy relationship, Vacillators need to learn how to pace themselves and how to commit before getting hurt by their own expectations. As mothers we need to make sure our children are touched, cuddles, hugged. The Avoider Coming from homes that are often low in affection, but which place high value on independence and self-reliance, the Avoider grows up learning only to take care of themselves. To deal with the anxiety of having so little comfort and nurturing from their parents, they have learned to restrict their feelings and suppress their needs. As an adult, Avoiders can seem emotionally distant or detached. They feel uncomfortable around people who have intense emotions. To have a healthy relationship the Avoider should learn to open up express emotions. What is your love style? They have developed a free online quiz to help determine a person’s unique Love Style. Take the Quiz: https://howwelove.com/love-style-quiz/

We now know men and women are biologically and physiologically different and have varying behaviour and expectations as a result of different upbringing, how their parents’ relationships were and different cultures people live in. We are all human beings with unique personalities so how do we make our relationships work? One powerful tool we can use is learning about the love languages. We mistakenly think that everyone likes to be loved the way we like to be loved however, after many years of marriage counselling, Dr Gary Chapman’s conclusion is that people express and receive love in 5 different ways, called love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Thinking everyone likes to be loved the way we like to be loved leads to misunderstanding and feelings of resentment and tension. In a Hadith the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam said, “Treat people according to their status.” This was in context of the following Haditg: A beggar asked ‘Aaishah (radiyallahu ‘anhaa) for charity and she gave him a piece of bread. Thereafter, one well-dressed person asked her for charity and she invited him to sit down and served him food. When she was asked about the reason for the difference in treatment, she said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) instructed us, ‘Treat people according to their status.’” This gist of this is that we should treat people differently (not unequally) based on what they need. Dr Chapman believes that, once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage. Summary of Dr Chapman’s Conclusion Dr Chapman is convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile. When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and they feel secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach their highest potential in life. Words of Affirmation Some people like to hear words of praise and appreciation and are especially hurt by insults. Sometimes our words say one thing, but our tone of voice says another and this causes tension in the relationship. Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love and if this is the “love language” of your spouse (or any person) then using words of praise and appreciation will lead to a better relationship. ‘A’isha RA once asked Nabi sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, “O God’s Messenger, how is your love for me?” “Like a strong binding knot,” he replied. ‘A’isha again asked, “How is the knot?” “Like the first day,” he replied. ‘Once Nabi sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam was sitting in a room with `Aisha RA and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and `Aisha RA looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight and was staring at him long enough for him to notice. He said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you, Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everyone to see.” So the Nabi sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam got up, walked to `Aisha RA, kissed her between the eyes, and said, “Wallahi yaa Aisha, you are like that to me and more” Gifts For some people receiving gifts is their “love language” because it shows the thought and effort that has gone into it. تَهَادُوا تَحَابُّوا - “Give each other gifts and you will love each other.” - Source: al-Adab al-Mufrad 594 Giving gifts creates love so give practical, thoughtful, useful gifts and not something which brings frowns. If Nabi sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam slaughtered a sheep, he would send meat to the friends of Khadijah RA as a present as much as would suffice them. So what must he have done while she was alive? Physical touch For some people physically touching, sitting close, cuddling, etc. is important and neglect of this causes them to be hurt. Quality time If your partner’s primary love language is quality time, your spouse simply wants you being with them, spending time with them. Spending time with your partner in a common pursuit communicates that you care about each other, that you enjoy being with each other, that you like to do things together. It also involves being a good listener. When Nabi sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam talked to someone he turned his entire body towards the other person giving his full attention to them. He shared quality time by giving undistracted, undivided attention. Unfortunately, we do not follow this Sunnah. Our attention is on other things like the phone messages while our loved ones are talking to us. Acts of Service For some people, love is being shown when little things are done for them. They get hurt when their partners are lazy with them or when commitments are broken. Conclusion Find out your own love language and that of other people around (spouse, siblings, parents, in laws, etc.) so that each person’s needs are fulfilled leading to better relationships. Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch, gift, words, etc. that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to your spouse or others in your relationships. Dr Chapman suggests three ways to discover your own primary love language: · What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language. · What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved. · In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved. Quiz For this a quiz make be taken here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/

Marriage is not about rights only, though the rights are there Nabi sallallaahu 'alayhiw asallam said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards." (Bukhari) Mu’awiyah al-Qushayri reported, I said, “O Messenger of Allah, what are the rights of women over us?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “That you feed them when you eat, you clothe them when you clothe yourself, you do not strike her face, and you do not rebuke her or boycott except inside the house.” Abu Dawood Theis Hadith sums up our responsibilities. All of us are given a circle (ward); for a teacher it is her students, for a shepherd, it is his sheep, etc. and each on is a guardian and responsible for his/her ward. In every relationship, we have a role and responsibilities. For a wife, her husband’s home and offspring are her primary responsibilities and now we know that our physical make up is designed to assist us in our role by the mercy from Allah ta’ala. Due to the enormous responsibility on a man’s shoulder of providing for his family, it is his right that his wife obeys him in all matters except where the Shari’ah says otherwise, that no one he disapproves of enters his home without his permission and that his wife has intimate relations with him, protecting his and her chastity and Imaan. The result will be a happy home filled with Sakeenah, Muwaddah and Rahmah and entry into Jannah through any gate she wishes. Abu Huraira RA reported, The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes.” Ṣaḥeeḥ Ibn Ḥibbān Therefore, a marriage (or any relationship) is not about demanding rights and scoring points. It is about having Taqwa, forgiveness and forbearance. It is two imperfect people trying perfectly to make a marriage or any relationship work. Without these components, Shaytaan will come into the relationship of two people.

Allah ta’ala sees men and women equally but made them different to each other and the responses given by men and women are based on their biology, chemistry and physiology and perhaps science has not gone far enough into these differences. It is when people do not understand others in their relationships, that it creates tension. The mistake people make is that they think, “He/she should have behaved this way because I think it is appropriate” or because “This is how I was brought up.” People expect others to be a certain way and when this happens in a marriage then it causes problems. Knowing and understanding why people respond the way they do will lead to being less resentful and judgmental and being more tolerant. Scientific research in the last 15 years has shown that men and women are not alike biologically. There is growing evidence that Oxytocin to Testosterone to Progesterone and even the brains of men and women are different. This does not mean one gender is better than the other. It means the differences are unique and critical in helping men and women understand each other. Oxytocin Oxytocin in the brain, acts as a chemical messenger and has an important role in many human behaviours. It has the power to regulate our emotional responses and pro-social behaviours, including trust, empathy, gazing, positive memories, processing of bonding cues, and positive communication Hugging, kissing, cuddling, and sexual intimacy can all trigger oxytocin production, which can strengthen bonds between adults, too. These effects have led oxytocin to be grouped with the other happy hormones — hormones known to have a positive impact on mood and emotions. In women Oxytocin helps in maintaining relationships because Oxytocin is known for the compassionate effect a person feels from it. When a woman hears her child cry, milk excretes from the breast and this is due to the Oxytocin. This is an involuntary reaction to the child’s cry. Imagine the Rahmah involved. She stops doing whatever she is doing and feeds her child. Women tend to be more patient and softer when they see their child crying. Thereafter when the woman cuddles, hugs, touches her child, more Oxytocin is excreted which helps in regulating other emotional responses which are more conducive to social behaviours i.e. they help in relationships. For women this hormone helps them to do what Allah ta’ala has given them the primary responsibility of, i.e. nurturing the family and for men it helps them do what they were made responsible of i.e. being Qawwaam. Mirror Neurons In our brains are Mirror neurons which allow us to learn through imitation (mirroring behaviours). They enable us to reflect body language, facial expressions, and emotions. Mirror neurons play an essential part in our social life. They are the key for child development, as well as relationships and education. Imitation has always been a powerful learning tool. The human brain is enabled with different mechanisms that allow us to imitate actions. Babies are capable of reproducing facial expressions, and as adults, we imitate basic behaviour. When we see a baby smile and we smile back. This is due to the mirror neurons. Similarly, if we see someone hurt, our facial expression will show the expression of being hurt yourself. Mirror neurons are responsible for yawning when we see someone else yawn and the way laughter can be contagious. It seems like we have the capacity to feel what others feel, empathize with them and understand their feelings. What happens in the brain for this to happen? The answer is mirror neurons. Testosterone Testosterone is excreted more in men than women. For men it helps build bone and muscle. It also helps in better verbal memory, mathematical reasoning and libido. Men tend to think logically and rationally and even appear to be rude in their approach while women solve problems in a different way. Men’s self-esteem is higher and they are more dominant which is why they do not like women to be controlling and being decision makers. Therefore, we should respect this part of their biology otherwise it will create problems. When a decision is necessary for the good of the family and our husband does not see it at the time, then there are ways we can go about it with wisdom. There can never be two principles or two prime ministers however the second in line also has a lot of responsibility. Nabi sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam was perfect in his role as husband, father, companion and guide to humanity and he had these manly characteristics and his Sunnah should be our role model. He showed mercy and compassion with family, companions and even the non-Muslims and his enemies with Oxytocin and we should find that balance.

Equality of judgment between men and women refers to being equal in the sight of Allah ta’ala however this often translates to “men and women are unequal”. Allah ta’ala is al-‘Aadil (The Just). He is just and expects us to be just. Men and women are different however, the differences between men and women does not affect judgment. If we do not acknowledge and understand the differences then we will constantly fall into the trap of trying to be equal in something that is not meant to be equal. No one will be wronged Allah says in Surah Nisaa'. verse 124, "But those who do good—whether male or female—and have faith will enter Paradise and will never be wronged ˹even as much as˺ the speck on a date stone" This verse shows there is total gender equality in terms of judgment of men and women. Many verses in the Qur’an encourage both men and women (ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ) to do good deeds and both are mentioned in terms of the reward. Adam AS and Hawwa AS were judged equally from the beginning. Allah ta’ala decided for them according to the deed they committed and not their gender. By default, humans are distinguished among all of creation and then further distinguished according to their devotion to Allah ta’ala. Therefore, all humans are valuable in the sight of Allah ta’ala and honoured by their virtue. Those women who feel less than their husbands or any male, should feel confident in how Allah ta’ala created us and that He will judge men and women according to their virtue.

Other Relationships So far we have discussed marriage because it is one of the biggest backbone of society, the fabric which keeps communities together, what joins families and the objective is to expend family units. Islam promotes a collectivistic society with joint decisions on a family and even extended family level. Generally, in the West focus is more on the individual level though this was not so before. In the 1900’s when men went to war and women came out to world, they did not want to go back to their previous life after experiencing independence. Women’s movements appeared and society changed. The East however, is now rapidly changing and becoming an individualistic one like the West Research shows that people benefit more with extended family support. They suffer less depression, anxiety, etc. and there is also financial benefit. This is if there is more Deen and Deeni as well as secular education. People with Deeni education mind the boundaries and accommodate others. Identities don’t get blurred or damaged. Unfortunately, many people are not educated Deeni wise. So whether in the East or West, people need to be educated in Deen where Akhlaaq and Adab comes from. Islam promotes care of community and to make sacrifices for the greater good. This enables others giving support when needed. Unfortunately, in marriage and in other relationships, both sides take the individualistic approach and it’s all about “me” and when that happens, Akhlaaq disappears. It’s not about giving the bare bone rights, it’s about doing the best from our side because Islam teaches us Ihsaan. In laws In laws are our husband’s parents due to whom we are married to them. They may have different ways due to various reasons like they may have faced struggles of migration or colonisation or to get fed and educated. Therefore, they may be in survival mode. Have love and respect in the heart as they are Muslim and your elders. Think of them as the mum and dad of the man you love. Sometimes women are so good to others but not to in laws. Lean towards them and keep hearts clean. Do Mashwarah about household duties and share in the When women marry and move in with in laws, it is great change for both sides and adjustments are required on both sides. Daughters in law should have a loving, happy, joyful and “I’m going to try” approach even though it will be hard at first. She will have to make a new identity. And use her skills in the family dynamics. If a woman bonds with her in laws they can a great source of support. Faults can lie on both sides. Sometimes in laws expect a “maid” and sometimes daughters in law go in with a chip on their shoulders. If it gets toxic then it is wiser to move out however using wisdom, take it slowly, patiently and kindly. It will be hard but may increase love. If you cannot move out then bear your circumstances with patience. The husband if often stuck in the middle. He has to mediate and arbitrate and women should take their feelings into consideration.

Children It is their right that we provide them with is food, clothes according to need, shelter and love. Give them unconditional love. Love them no matter what they do. If you do that, they will know that what you do for them is not to manipulate them or emotionally blackmail them. It is because you love them. Be firm but kind. If they yell and curse it means we did not do our job. If they demand and yell in a shop, take them out and let them yell till they are finished then take them back in telling them they cannot behave in this manner Do not hit, insult or abuse children. Love them but do not let them take advantage. Children WILL mess up. Give them opportunity to make up as Allah ta’ala gives us opportunity to make Tawbah and make up again and again. By yelling and hitting we are teaching them to yell and hit. Take a nurturing attitude. Relax when nursing babies as emotions transfer to the baby. Let them connect to the Qur’an, Dhikr, etc. Calm parents raise calm children and anxious, depressed children raise anxious depressed children. Du’a for pious children: Surah Furqaan 74 رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا "Our Rabb! Make our spouses and our children to be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous."

Click on image to enlarge This week marked the start of the annual Palestinian olive harvest, an ancient tradition on which 80,000 families still rely for their livelihoods. Yet these families face growing economic hardship due to Israeli land confiscations, access restrictions, settler attacks, and not least the widespread uprooting, destruction and theft of the trees themselves.The infographic 'Uprooted' focuses on the staggering fact that Israeli authorities have uprooted over 800,000 Palestinian olive trees since 1967, the equivalent to razing all of the 24,000 trees in New York's central park 33 times. Click on image to enlarge

Ethnic Cleansing continuesThe Israeli occupation authorities forces the Jerusalemite Ezzat Zeyadah to demolish his home in the occupied city of Jerusalem. Eye On Palestine on Instagram: "🇵🇸#Palestine || Ethnic Cleansing .. The Israeli occupation authorities forces the Jerusalemite Ezzat Zeyadah to demolish his home in the…"

Great Alhamdulillah..as long the content is sourced it should be good

Only if your friend is a Scholar. We have a forum here for other Madhaahib and it would be good to post some main Fiqh of the Maliki, Shafi'ee and Hanbali Madhaahib

love this!

Are you a scholar? May I ask if you are familiar with Maliki fiqh? Especially women's rulings?

Assalaamu 'alaykum warahmatullah Welcome to the forum! Jazaakillahu khayran for posting, please continue posting beneficial content. It will be helpful if you mention the source of the information or in this case the name of the book. May Allah ta'ala make us from those who strive against the lower self and attain beautiful akhlaaq

"My bed was there" My bed was there, says 4 yr-old Palestinian child left with just rubble: ethnic cleansing in instalments is still ethnic cleansing . To those who practice "Out of sight, out of mind"... could you take just one second to imagine if this was your son and your home? What is the psychology of a child showing his room in his destroyed house? A system where even children's rights are stolen, Institutions, states and the media unconditionally support cruel oppressors but replace the story with fabricated one. So people continue in asleep. Our Voice Matters (@our.voicematters) • Instagram photos and videos

Shame on Bahrain!! Shame on Morocco & Sudan!! 29 June 2021 Bahrain announced on Tuesday that it had officially appointed the kingdom’s first ambassador to Israel. Bahraini state media said that Khaled Yousef al-Jalahmah would serve as Bahrain's envoy to the State of Israel, and was congratulated on the position by the country's monarch. Jalahmah previously served as the deputy ambassador to the United States and had also held several other senior positions in the Bahraini diplomatic service. The announcement came after Bahrain agreed to normalise ties with Israel in September last year, alongside a number of other countries in the region, including Morocco, Sudan and the United Arab Emirates (UAE). Although Israel already has an embassy in the Bahraini capital Manama, the kingdom is yet to establish an embassy in Israel. Source

Isr*el demolished the home of Al-Abasi family. This is the second demolition in #Silwan today. Friends Of Al-Aqsa (@friendsofalaqsa) • Instagram photos and videos

UAE welcomes Israel’s Foreign Minister Yair Lapid As we stand united against the colonisation of #Palestine, the #UAE welcomes Israel’s Foreign Minister Yair Lapid, with open arms, normalising the war crimes currently committed against the Palestinians of #Silwan. He is the first Israeli Minister to officially visit the UAE. Lapid is scheduled to open Israel’s first embassy in Abu Dhabi, as well as consulate within #Dubai. The foreign minister is then expected to sign a number of trade agreements, designed to increase the level of economic cooperation, in spite of the fact that #Israel recently indiscriminately killed a minimum of 256 adults Inc at least 66 children in #Gaza. This also comes after recent attacks by Israeli forces on Al-Aqsa mosque. 🔴 #FOA stands strongly against the normalisation with Israel as well as the colonisation of Palestine! Friends of AlAqsa Friends Of Al-Aqsa (@friendsofalaqsa) • Instagram photos and videos Shame on UAE!

Isr*eli occupation policeman brutally assault and beat up Mr. Nedal Rajabi after demolishing his commercial store in Al-Bustan neighborhood in the town of Silwan, occupied Jerusalem, today. Warning: Brutal assault on people trying to defend their basic human rights www.instagram.com/p/CQsgobLnJY-/

An Israeli bulldozer demolishing a shop in Silwan village Eye On Palestine on Instagram: "🇵🇸#Palestine || An Israeli bulldozer demolishing a shop in Silwan village. جرافة تابعة للاحتلال تهدم محل تجاري في قرية سلوان" The Israeli occupation forces brutally assaulting and beating the residents of Silwan village while they were trying to prevent the occupation forces from demolishing a shop in the village. Warning: sensitive content Eye On Palestine on Instagram: ". The Israeli occupation forces brutally assaulting and beating the residents of Silwan village while they were trying to prevent the…"