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Put Your Phone Away and Pay Attention to Your Kids Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — Written by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. on May 17, 2016 This psychologist is worried. It seems that everywhere I go a sizable number of the parents are ignoring their kids. At the grocery store: Mom is pushing one child in the cart. Two others are hanging onto the sides — when they’re not running up and down the aisles. Where’s Mom? In an animated discussion on the phone. At a local playground: Kids playing are pleading with Mom to look at them. Their mom barely looks up. She’s on the phone. At the mall food court: I see far too many tables where kids are eating fries and their folks are on the phone. At a high school football game. Yup. A dad misses his kid’s big play. Why? He’s on his phone. Not everyone is guilty of putting their phone ahead of their kids, of course. And sometimes, I’m sure, the parents on the phone are dealing with an emergency or monitoring kids left at home. But it’s happening enough that it has me concerned. Below are five reasons to put those phones away: Providing positive attention when kids are doing positive things builds a strong value system and positive self-esteem. Responding with enthusiasm to their attempts to master new things ensures that the kids will keep trying. The “look at me’s” you hear on the playground and in your kitchen are your kids asking for your approval and encouragement. When you do look, really look, and smile and wave, the kids soak it up. They try again. They push themselves to the next level. Giving kids positive attention also puts a big deposit in their emotional bank. When kids know that their folks think they have what it takes to handle life’s problems, they develop confidence in their ability to take on life’s challenges. When parents put their phones down (or turn off the TV or shut down their computer) and talk to them seriously about what they are doing, their skills grow and their self-confidence blossoms. Later, when those same kids hit the inevitable troubles of life, they will have what it takes to cope. Babies light up when bigger people make eye contact and talk directly to them. They are taking in the rhythm and sounds of our voices. They are learning the words for the things and people of their world. They are learning how those words get strung together. Television doesn’t help children learn language. It’s too passive. They need to experience the give and take that comes with interacting with another warm, caring human being. Parking them in front of even the best children’s TV is no substitute for the give and take that goes on between even babies and their parents. Many parents are amazed when their little one suddenly moves from saying one and two words at a time to a full sentence. “Where did that come from?” they ask. It came from listening to adults who talked to them, not around them because they’re on the phone. Conversation builds brain power. Little kids’ brains are sponges. The more we talk to them, the more their brains absorb. Even children who are far too young to carry on a real conversation are taking in far more than adults may realize. Parents who talk to their kids with complicated sentences are setting them up for success in school and in life. One and two word answers don’t do it. Commands don’t do it. A momentary break in your phone conversation to acknowledge them doesn’t do it either. Kids need to hear language used to describe and explain their world. That’s one of the many good reasons to read to children. It’s not just for the entertainment of the stories. It’s also an important way for them to hear and take in the richness of language. Our kids need our first priority to be our relationships with them, not with our phones. Children learn how to be with other people and how to love by being with people who love them, teach them, encourage and comfort them. Contrary to conventional wisdom, quality time is not a substitute for regular moments of interest, talk, and participation in their lives. Yes, quality time has a certain special quality. We all remember big celebrations, vacations, or trips to the zoo. But those days are special because they are rare. For kids to grow, they need us to be curious about their experiences and to comment on what is going on around us in an ongoing way. I love my phone as much as the next person. I love that it helps me stay regularly connected with my extended family. I find it reassuring that my kids can always reach me. I stay in touch with far-flung friends, former students, and family members through Facebook and tweets. I check the weather, glance at headlines and Google information.There’s no way I want to go back to the old days with a party line on the one phone in the house. But kids need us to remember that when we are with them, we need to put our phones away (and confiscate theirs). Providing kids with direct attention and interested conversation is one of the most important responsibilities of parenting. https://psychcentral.com/lib/put-your-phone-away-and-pay-attention-to-your-kids#6

“Allah Ta’ala wants us to contemplate on the blessings He has bestowed upon us so that we reach the conclusion that Allah Ta’ala loves us and then we return that love with love”! Beautiful words from our respected Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat! He then elucidates the special favours bestowed upon the Muslim woman. I have tried to convey his words to the best of my ability so that we as Muslim women know how much love Allah Ta’ala has for us, and through the barakah of Shaykh we do return that love with total love and submission, insha Allah: "The Qur’an, which came down to the best of creation, through the best of Angels, in the best of months, on the best of nights and in the best of places and through which Allah Ta’ala communicates with His creation was first recited to a woman, Hadrat Khadijah Radiyallahu anha. It wasn’t so that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam met Hadrat Abu Bakr or Hadrat ‘Umar Radiyallahu anhum on his way back from the cave of Hira where the revelation took place, nor did he meet Hadrat ‘Ali or Hadrat Uthmaan Radiyallahu anhum. No he went home and recited it to his wife Khadijah Radiyallahu anha and it was to her that he expressed his fears, and it was she who comforted him and believed in him with firm conviction. She was blessed with being the first to accept Islam and she was the first to spend her wealth in the path of Allah. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhim wasallam once conveyed salaams to her which Allah Ta’ala had sent through the Angel Jibraeel. What an honour for women! Even the high stage of being a martyr was first conferred on a woman, Hadrat Sumayyah Radiyallahu anha who was the first to give her life in the cause of Islam. Honours aside, Allah Ta’ala has been Kind and Merciful to His inferior creation in many ways. Men have to attend salaat with congregation at the masjid, having to walk there in all weathers five times a day to get 25 times more reward, while for women Allah Ta’ala made it easy, who get the same reward by performing salaat in the innermost part of their homes. Then there is the fact that a woman does not perform salaat at all during her days of menstruation, yet she gets full reward if she is regular with her salaat in days of purity. Along with being regular with salaat, if a woman fasts in the month of Ramadhaan, protects her chastity and strives to obey her husband, all 8 doors of Janaat are opened for her and she may enter through whichever door she wishes”. Here Shaykh mentions that obedience to the husband does not mean she is the slave and he, the master. Islam has made men and women equal in all matters, i.e. attaining knowledge, worship etc, in fact a woman may even surpass her husband spiritually, and there is no obedience to the husband in the disobedience of Allah. The husband is higher in status as a manager is in an office or a factory where someone has to be in charge. In the home the husband is the king, but the wife is the prime minister who is there to consult with as she is the one who is aware of the needs of the household, the children and the family. She need not worry about earning a living as Allah Ta’ala has taken care of this through first her father, then husband and son and whether she is a daughter, a wife, a mother or a sister, Islam has given her honour and respect”. Should we women not repay Allah Ta’ala for these favours by submitting to Him, loving Him and following His commands? Should we not be proud and honoured to be Muslim women and should we not fulfil the role of the Muslim woman? Posted on www.shaykh.org (Thursday, March 1, 2007)

True story told by Shaykh “Abdul Mohsen al Ahmad”, it happened in... Abha (the capital of Asir province in Saudi Arabia) “After performing Salãt Al Maghrib, she put her make-up, wore her beautiful white dress preparing herself for her wedding party, Then she heard the Azan of ‘Ishã and she realized that she broke her Wudhu she told her mother: “Mother, I have to go to make wudhu and pray ‘Ishã” Her mother was shocked : “Are you crazy?!! Guests are waiting for you, to see you! what about your make -up? It will be all washed away by water!!” then she added: ”I am your mother and I order you not to perform Salãh now! wallahi if you make wudhu now, I will be angry at you” Her daughter replied: ”Wallahi I won’t go out from here till I perform my Salãh! Mother you must know that “There is no obedience to any creature in disobedience to the Creator.”!! Her mother said: “What would our guests say about you when you’ll show up in your wedding party without make-up?! You won’t be beautiful in their eyes! They will make fun of you!” The daughter asked with a smile: “Are you worried because I won’t be beautiful in the eyes of creations? What about my Creator?! I am worried because, if I miss my Salãh, I won’t be beautiful in His eyes” She started to make wudhu, and all her make-up was washed away, but she didn’t care. Then she began her Salãh and at the moment she bowed down to make sujud, she didn’t realize that it will be her last one! Yes! She died while in sujud! What a great ending for a Muslimah who insisted on obeying her Lord! Many people who heard her story were so touched!! She put Him and His obedience first in her priorities, so He granted her the best ending that any Muslim would have! She wanted to be closer to Him, so He took her soul in the place where Muslim are the closest to Him! Subhana Allah! She didn’t care if she would be beautiful in the eyes of creatures so she was beautiful in the eyes of Her Creator! O Muslim sister, imagine if you are in her place! What will you do? What will you choose : pleasing creations or your Creator? O dear sister! Do you guarantee that you will live for the next minutes? Hours? Months?!! No one knows when their hour will come? Or when will they meet angels of death? So are you ready for that moment? O non hijab sister! What do you choose: Pleasing yourself by not wearing Hijãb or pleasing your Lord by wearing hijãb? Are you ready to meet Him without Hijãb? May Allah guide us all to what pleases Him and grant everyone who is reading these lines good ending. Source: ATTARBIYAH (Islamic Tarbiyah Academy)