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Desperate plea from a regretting son - for Mistreating Parents

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 Desperate plea from a regretting son

Salam. Please do not do curse me after reading this. I had been a very disobedient child for my parents. I was the only son and they had hopes that I will treat them well in their old age. But I turned out to be exactly the opposite. When both of them were alive, I avoided talking to them and if I did, I was very rude. I hurt them a lot. I told them all kinds of unwanted things that hurt them a lot. I even physically pushed my mother around. When they asked for help, I would tell them to do it themselves. My father’s joints hurt a lot but I never showed any mercy on him. I would tell him he was faking. I was the worst son anyone could have.

 

Now, when I remember all that I did with them, I feel very bad. I am pained thinking of my parents. Is there any way that will forgive me and also get me the forgiveness of my parent? I am very ashamed of all that I did. I wonder how I would face my parents after my death. And, how will I face Allah? Please advice, please help, please pray for me.

 

In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.

Brother in Islaam,

We take note of the contents of your query. We make du’aa that Allaah Ta’aala rewards your parents for undergoing the hardships of life and tolerating you. May Allaah grant your parents Jannatul Firdaws. Aameen.

Shari’ah has greatly emphasized on being dutiful to one’s parents[1].  In regards to the father, Rasulullaah (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said,

رِضَى الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَى الوَالِدِ، وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ.

Translation: “The pleasure of the Lord is in the pleasure of the parents, and the displeasure of the Lord is in the displeasure of the father.” (Tirmidhi 1899)[2]

In regards to the mother, Rasulullaah (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said,

الوالدة أوسط أبواب الجنة فأضع ذلك أو احفظه[3]

Translation: “The mother is the middle door of Jannah. So (the choice is yours) either discard it (by disrespecting your mother) or protect it (by honoring and obeying her).” (Haakim 7251)

Rasulullaah (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said in regards to disobedience of the parents,

لعن الله العاق لوالديه[4]

Translation: “May Allaah curse the one who is disobedient to his parents.” (Haakim 7254)

Your behavior with your parents during their lifetime was unfortunate. However, it is apparent that you are remorseful for what you did. Your sense of realization of your bad behavior towards your parents is perhaps due to the du’aas of your parents for you and the barakah of their sabr. Generally, parents still love and care for their children despite the pain caused to them by their children. Turn to Allaah Ta’aala and beseech Him for His forgiveness for the wrong you have done. Ask Allaah Ta’aala to spare you from the punishment of ill-treating your parents in this life and the next. Rasulullaah (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, 

كل الذنوب يؤخر الله ما شاء منها إلى يوم القيامة إلا عقوق الوالدين فإن الله تعالى يعجله لصاحبه في الحياة قبل الممات[5]

Translation: “Allaah may delay the punishment of all sins as He wishes until the Day of Judgment except showing disrespect to one's parents; for indeed Allaah will hasten the punishment of that sin to its perpetrator prior to his death.”

Do righteous deeds and send the thawaab to your parents. Rasulullaah (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) was once asked if there was any good a person can do to his parents after their demise. He (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) replied,

نعم، الصلاة عليهما والاستغفار لهما، وإيفاء بعهودهما من بعد موتهما، وإكرام صديقهما، وصلة الرحم التي لا توصل إلا بهما[6]

Translation: “Yes, making du’aa for them, seeking forgiveness on their behalf, fulfilling their promises after their passing away, honoring their friends and joining ties which are only joined by their relationship.” (Ibn Maajah 3664)

Do something on behalf of your parents that has a perpetual reward (sadaqah jaariah) such as giving sadaqah or assisting in building a masjid or Islaamic institute. Send the rewards of your daily worship to them. Always keep them in your du’aas. You may recite the following du’aa:

رب ارحمهما كما ربياني صغيرا

Translation: “My Lord! Have mercy upon them both as they have raised me up as a little one.” (Al-Israa v.24)

The greatest reward to your parents will be to change your lifestyle. Fear Allaah Ta’aala and be Allaah-conscious in all your matters. Perform the five daily salaahs on time. Recite a portion of the Qur’aan daily. Be from amongst the saaliheen, the righteous. Rasulullaah (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said,

إذا مات الإنسان انقطع عنه عمله إلا من ثلاثة: إلا من صدقة جارية، أو علم ينتفع به، أو ولد صالح يدعو له[7]

Translation: “When a person passes away, all his actions come to an end save three: a charity that has perpetual reward (sadaqah jaariah), beneficial knowledge and a righteous child that prays for him.”

Link yourself to a spiritual guide and inculcate in you the qualities of the righteous. You may listen to the discourses of my honorable teacher, Mufti Ebrahim Desai (Hafizahullaah) on the Qaseedah Burdah for spiritual enhancement. The discourses are available on the following link: https://daruliftaa.net/qaseeda-burdah/[8].    

 

And Allaah Ta’aala Knows Best.

Muajul I. Chowdhury

Student, Darul Iftaa

Astoria, New York, USA

 

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 


[1] http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/32474

[2]  سنن الترمذي (3/ 374)

1899 - حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو حَفْصٍ عَمْرُو بْنُ عَلِيٍّ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدُ بْنُ الحَارِثِ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، عَنْ يَعْلَى بْنِ عَطَاءٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: رِضَى الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَى الوَالِدِ، وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ.

 

الترغيب والترهيب (3768)

وعن عبد الله بن عمرو رضي الله عنهما قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم رضا الله في رضا الوالد وسخط الله في سخط الوالد
رواه الترمذي ورجح وقفه وابن حبان في صحيحه والحاكم وقال صحيح على شرط مسلم ورواه الطبراني من حديث أبي هريرة إلا أنه قال طاعة الله طاعة الوالد ومعصية الله معصية الوالد ورواه البزار من حديث عبد الله بن عمر أو ابن عمرو ولا يحضرني أيهما
ولفظه قال رضا الرب تبارك وتعالى في رضا الوالدين وسخط الله تبارك وتعالى في سخط الوالدين

 

[3] المستدرك على الصحيحين للحاكم (4/ 168)

7251 - أخبرنا الشيخ أبو بكر بن إسحاق، أنبأ بشر بن موسى، ثنا الحميدي، ثنا سفيان، عن عطاء بن السائب، عن أبي عبد الرحمن، قال: تزوج رجل فكرهت أمه ذلك فجاء يسأل أبا الدرداء، فقال: طلق المرأة وأطع أمك فإني سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول: «الوالدة أوسط أبواب الجنة فأضع ذلك أو احفظه» رواه شعبة، عن عطاء بن السائب، مفسرا بالشرح

[التعليق - من تلخيص الذهبي] 7251 – صحيح

 

[4] المستدرك على الصحيحين للحاكم (4/ 169)

7254 - حدثنا أبو سعيد أحمد بن يعقوب الثقفي، ثنا أحمد بن يحيى بن إسحاق الحلواني، ثنا إبراهيم بن حمزة، ثنا عبد العزيز بن أبي حازم، عن العلاء، عن أبيه، عن هانئ، مولى علي بن أبي طالب، أن عليا، رضي الله عنه، قال: يا هانئ ماذا يقول الناس؟ قال: يزعمون أن عندك علما من رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم لا تظهره، قال: دون الناس؟ قال: نعم. قال: أرني السيف فأعطيته السيف فاستخرج منه صحيفة فيها كتاب، قال: هذا ما سمعت من رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «لعن الله من ذبح لغير الله ومن تولى غير مواليه ولعن الله العاق لوالديه ولعن الله منتقص منار الأرض»

[التعليق - من تلخيص الذهبي] 7254 - سكت عنه الذهبي في التلخيص

 

[5] المستدرك على الصحيحين للحاكم (4/ 172)

7263 - حدثنا علي بن حمشاذ، العدل - رحمه الله تعالى - وعبد الله بن الحسن القاضي، قالا: ثنا الحارث بن أبي أسامة، ثنا محمد بن عيسى بن الطباع، ثنا بكار بن عبد العزيز بن أبي بكرة، قال: سمعت أبي، يحدث عن أبي بكرة، رضي الله عنه قال: سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول: «كل الذنوب يؤخر الله ما شاء منها إلى يوم القيامة إلا عقوق الوالدين فإن الله تعالى يعجله لصاحبه في الحياة قبل الممات» هذا حديث صحيح الإسناد ولم يخرجاه "

[التعليق - من تلخيص الذهبي] 7263 - بكار بن عبد العزيز ضعيف

 

[6] سنن ابن ماجه (4/ 632)

3664 - حدثنا علي بن محمد، حدثنا عبد الله بن إدريس، عن عبد الرحمن ابن سليمان، عن أسيد بن علي بن عبيد مولى بني ساعدة، عن أبيه

عن أبي أسيد مالك بن ربيعة، قال: بينما نحن عند النبي - صلى الله عليه وسلم - وجاءه رجل من بني سلمة (3) فقال: يا رسول الله، أبقي من بر أبوي شيء أبرهما به من بعد موتهما؟ قال: "نعم، الصلاة عليهما والاستغفار لهما، وإيفاء بعهودهما من بعد موتهما، وإكرام صديقهما، وصلة الرحم التي لا توصل إلا بهما"

 

[7] صحيح مسلم (3/ 1255)

14 - (1631) حدثنا يحيى بن أيوب، وقتيبة يعني ابن سعيد، وابن حجر، قالوا: حدثنا إسماعيل هو ابن جعفر، عن العلاء، عن أبيه، عن أبي هريرة، أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، قال: " إذا مات الإنسان انقطع عنه عمله إلا من ثلاثة: إلا من صدقة جارية، أو علم ينتفع به، أو ولد صالح يدعو له "

 

[8] Alternative link: http://tasawwuf.daralmahmood.org/i-tikaaf-2015.html

 

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