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How to Learn Good Manners

 

Three approaches to learning exceptional adab

 

1) Read books on ādāb. 

"Essentially, adab is putting into practice what you know."

Recommended reading:

 

Min Adabil Islām (Islamic Manners) by Shaykh Abdul Fattāh Abū Ghuddah RH

https://muftimuhammadibnadamislamicmanners.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/islamic_manners_shaykh_abdul_fattah_abu_ghuddah.pdf

 

Ādāb al-Suhbah by Imām Sha'rāni RH

http://www.zamzamacademy.com/view/series/lecture-series/adab-al-suhba-series-video/

 

Ādābul Mu'āsharat (Etiquettes of Social Life) by Hakīm ul Ummah Hadrat Mawlānā Ashraf Ali Thanwī RH

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/100668996/EtiquettesOfSocialLifeByShaykhAshrafAliThanwi.pdf

 

2) Read the stories of the Sahābah RA

What this does is tell you how the sahābah took the teachings of Rasūlullāh ﷺ and put them into practice.

 

3) Sitting in the company of those who possess adab.

Humans benefit from the company of others without even realizing. Changing your scene and finding the company of people who have good adab will help to learn new things. Always look at other people and anything beneficial you see try to implement it.

 

Taken from Q&A: How to Learn Good Manners by Mufti Abdur-Rahman ibn Yusuf

Zamzam Academy 

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THE MANNERS OF CONVERSATION

 

THE ART OF LISTENING 

 

If a person started telling you or your group something that you know very well, you should pretend as if you do not know it. Do not rush to reveal your knowledge or to interfere with the speech. Instead, show your attention and concentration. The honourable follower Imam 'Ata ibn Abi Rabah said: 'A young man would tell me something that I may have heard before he was born.Nevertheless, I listen to him as if I have never heard it before.' 

 

Khalid bin Safwan Al-Tamimi, who was with the two caliphs Omar bin Abdul Aziz; and Hisham bin Abdul Malik, said: 'If a person tells you something you have heard before, or news that you already learned, do not interrupt him or her to exhibit your knowledge to those present. This is a rude and an ill manner.'

 

The honourable Imam 'Abdullah bin Wahab Al-Qurashi Al-Masri, a companion of Imam Malik, Al-Laith bin Sa'd and Al-Thawri, said: 

'Sometimes a person would tell me a story that I have heard before his parents had wed. Yet I listen as if I have never heard it before.'

 

Ibrahim bin Al-Junaid said: 'A wise man said to his son: 'learn the art of listening as you learn the art of speaking. Listening well means maintaining eye contact, allowing the speaker to finish the speech, and restraining yourself from interrupting his speech.'

 

Al-Hafiz Al-Khatib Al-Baghdadi said in a poem: 

 

"A talk never interrupt 

Though you know it in and out"

 

Taken from the book 'Islamic Manners' by Shaykh Abdul Fattah Abu Ghuddah

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THE MANNERS OF VISITING


 
KEEPING APPOINTMENTS, DELAYS AND CANCELLATION


 
In the first verse of Surat Al-Mai'da, Allah called upon the believers 'O' you the Believers, 
fulfill your promises.'
 

In Surat Maryam Allah also praised Prophet Ismail may peace be upon him 'He was true to his promise. He was a Messenger and a Prophet.' 

To keep an appointment is vital to our lives, since time is the most precious commodity, once wasted it could not be replaced. If you made an appointment, whether to a friend, colleague or for business you should do your utmost to keep this appointment.This is the right of the other person who gave you part of their time and may have declined other appointments. Not only have you disrupted their schedule but you have marred your image and personality. 

If your punctuality becomes lousy you will lose people's respect. You should keep all your appointments whether it was with an important person, a close friend or someone else. You will be responding to the call of Allah in Surat Al-Issra' 'and keep your promises. The promise is a responsibility.' 

It is enough to know that our kind Prophet gave an appointment to one of his companions. The companion came three days later. The Prophet gently reprimanded him 'You have caused me some trouble. I have been waiting expecting you since three days.' The 
companion probably had an excuse for this delay. Then, he had no means to inform the Prophet about his inability to meet the appointment. 

Today, fast and reliable communication means are available everywhere. As soon as you realize you will not be able to keep an appointment, you should inform the other parties to enable them to utilize their time. Do not be careless or irresponsible. Do not think that the appointment is so unimportant that it does not merit a notice or an apology. This is totally irrelevant. Regardless of its importance an appointment is a commitment. It must be kept or canceled properly in advance. 

Never make a promise while you do not intend to keep it or fulfill it. This is forbidden as it falls within lying and hypocrisy. Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated that the Prophet said: 

'Three traits single out hypocrites, even if he prayed and/or fast and claimed to be Muslim:
 
If he talks, he lies. If he promises, he does not keep it. If he is entrusted, he betrays the trust.' 

Imam Ghazali in Al-Ihya said that this Hadith fits those who promise while intending not to fulfill it, or those who, without excuse, decide later not to fulfill a promise. Those who promise but could not fulfill, their promise due to a proper excuse are not hypocrites. But we should be careful not to create excuses that are not valid. Allah knows our inner 
thoughts and intentions.

 

Taken from the book 'Islamic Manners' by Shaykh Abdul Fattah Abu Ghuddah

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