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Heart Reclaimed


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True story with some changes.


*Because we were created by Allah and for Him and unless we understand that, life will NEVER make sense.*


Tears  kept flowing from her eyes. She was shattered. She could not believe history was repeating itself for her. I mean it's one thing to go through a heart break once, but to experience it for the tenth time...? Unbelieveable!


Gradually her tears stopped. The pain subsided. But only to be replaced by anger. Suddenly, she was furious. Furious at herself, for allowing this to happen to her again. Furious at the world for breaking her once more. And furious even at the decree...why did not God help her? But with this thought, she felt guilty and contaminated. Putting aside all the ugly thoughts, she did the only thing she could think of in the midst of all the suffocating heartache: she cried and she prayed to Allah.


She decided she was going to get her lost love back. She was going to pray and pray. But at the same time, she knew something was wrong. I mean when:


*Allah makes you go through the same kind of trials again and again, there must be a lesson He wants you to master.*


And this was like the tenth time or so she had become so close to someone. This is a type  of a relationship when at first two people like each other. Then the friendship grows. And then, you don't realize when, but soon it grows into obsession. And you no longer can live without that person. You want to spend each second with him/her. And anyone who does not let you is immediately seen as a hindrance, a rival. Envy grows. And you can do anything and every thing for your beloved. Every second spent apart is agony. And this is no exaggeration! You even forget to keep in mind the Islamic limits when this beloved comes around; all you can literally see is this one person and his/her benefits! Your happiness and sadness becomes tied with this person and revolves around him/her. It's dependant like in a math equation.  This beloved says something, you do it. In short, literally, this beloved becomes your new 'ilaah'!


She was not experiencing this for the first time. She had done this before. Many times. And each time as promising as the relationship looked, it always ended up collapsing. Like a snow man; no matter how much you try to beautify it, it melts in the end. It always melts...


She knew all these years, she had been over using her mind. No wonder her brain was numb now. She was so drained, she felt quite emotionless. Comfortably numb.

She did not know where she did wrong each time? She always gave it her all; she would be selfless, loving, caring, honest and would sacrifice. So why could she never make the love stay?


But then maybe she knew all along what was wrong. Don't they say you are born on this 'natural disposition' (fitrah) and so you just know when you devaite from living la ilaha ilaaAllah? She had to do a deep analysis of her life; she could not handle to let the history repeat again. She just could not. She was sure something had been done wrong by her, time and again - she just did not know what - yet. But she planned to find out. She was going to change.


*Because sometimes Allah removes people from our lives for a reason. And we need to think about it before we go running after them.*


*Months later* -


She now knew where she had been wrong all along. She now knew why she had to suffer one loss after another of loved ones. She was hurt but now there was another pain in her heart, more overwhelming than any other: she had wasted her entire life going against the very purpose of her existence. She had not been living la ilaha illaAllah, she had spent her love, her emotions, feelings, her heart - all in the very wrong places. This love did not belong there and that is why it never reciprocated. 


*Because the moment we love *anything* more than our creator, that very thing we love more will become the cause of our greatest pain.*        


But she had a positive side to it as well. Despite all the wasted years, she had learned something. Something productive. She won't be forgetting it anytime soon. She now knew:


*that one does not need to be heartless; you just need to use your heart less.*


She was now ready to embrace the solution which she had been running away from all along. The solution of 'letting go'. Instead of holding on. As painful as it does sound, sometimes it becomes the only way out. But many are too coward to admit it, even to themselves and they keep on holding on with so much strength that it hurts - all the while they ignore the answer in front of them; JUST LET GO.

Sometimes because the picture we've made into our minds of what will happen if it does work & we don't have to let go is so vivid, so beautiful that in order for it to be true, we just don't want to look at any other scenario. But we fail to realize that reality is real than our fantasy and we live in this reality, so there's no good in making a fantasy bubble & hiding in it. Because when that bubble would explode, the only one going to be hurt is you.

Or because we keep on telling ourselves 'One more time, it might just work', although there's nothing really left there to work on. As much as it might hurt, there's no point in hanging on when there's nothing left...


There's sometimes no point in thinking about the past memories. 'What once was' is not anymore. It's gone. Once what was beautiful has now gone and is now ugly. Accept that despite the heartache because the other option is dwelling in a non-existant painful world. Once you do walk away, you set yourself free from a lot of invisible chains which were otherwise binding you. You see a new world to which you were blind before. When Allah has promised to come to us running when we go to Him walking, who wants who more? I mean it's like:


*if the full moon loves you, why worry about the stars?*


Allaah has placed in everyone that He has created, a heart which must be filled; either with enslavement to Allaah, or to other than Allaah. Every single heart has feelings, desires and inclinations. The question is: will those feelings, desires and inclinations be directed to and for Allaah alone, or will they be directed to other than Allaah! 


*Because Shirk occurs when we humans love, trust or fear the creation more than the Creator. *


But sometimes what happens is that our love takes a wrong turn and directs itself someplace it was not supposed to go. Someplace dangerous. Just like when you lose your way and turn on the wrong road. What happens? You lose your way. Likewise, the hearts loses its way, and goes haywire...it enters a love crisis state. How so? It happens when we direct all those above mentioned feelings of obedience, servitude, sacrifice, intense love etc towards somewhere unworthy. 


* Never love someone too much because that too much can hurt you so much.*


If being ‘in love’ means our lives are in pieces and we are completely broken, miserable, utterly consumed, hardly able to function, and willing to sacrifice everything, chances are it’s not love. Despite what we are taught in popular culture, true love is not supposed to make us like drug addicts.

The moment you hand over your heart - your most precious organ - to some human, you've ended up in the worst situation. You've made the worst bargain. Because this human, no human, cannot take care of your heart. He'll waste it.

Dear the one, your feelings, your emotions, your love is too precious - don't waste it all on humans, it's not worth it. It's just not.


Your all love should be and is for Allah alone. It was always meant to be for Him alone. He will never let you down. He will take care of you and your feelings.

Please understand this before it's too late, before your heart breaks in the most painful manner: love your Creator because these humans? They don't know how to be loyal and how to love back. 

The humans don't have it in them. The amount of love, the intensity, the level of attachment, the quality of care, the hours that you crave from these humans, they can never fulfill your demand. They will get tired of you.

You see, you were created to love Allah. With as much intensity as you want. How could you ever let yourself believe some human could give you that love?


By creating you as His slave, He created you free. Completely free. You had freedom; freedom from fears, heartaches, rejection from the creation, dependence on humans, begging them for love and care...

By turning away from this gift of freedom, you enslaved yourself. You entered into this prison of desires, pain, fear, hope and trust in the humans, by choice.

In just being a slave of Allah, you have freedom and security. In being a slave of every creation, there is fear of loss and restlessness.

Remember bearing witness to la ilaha illAllah has two parts:

A negation first. Then an affirmation.

First you say and believe la ilaha. By doing so, you free your heart of every enslavement.

Then you affirm: illAllah. Now you are a slave of Him alone.You were born free. Don't die a prisoner..


So don't even think that by loving someone that crazily, by that amount of infatuation & obsession, you'll get what you want. No, it won't ever work out. You'll have to return bruised, hurt, broken, in pain and disappointed. Besides, you'll lose that loved one. So don't even try to try...what's the point?

No matter how much you love that person, he won't return back tht much love. Love Allah, only He will take care of you.


* Because we'll suffer every time we lose sight of this simple truth: we were born to love Allah. * 


So after all, is not Jannah *the* place? That place where you can really have all you could possibly ever desire? Where there exists happiness ever after, for real. We all want ever lasting happiness, we just become foolish enough to look for it on the wrong side of death.


In complete silence, sitting alone at night, she thought. Once again, she thought. Going through her past, she once again felt the silent, crushing pain of her mistakes. Soon, it took over her already aching heart and the pain became agony.

Images of her past flasing before her eyes, her mind whirled. She closed her eyes. And two simple, transparent tears dropped down her cheeks; the only quiet reflection of her broken soul. 


But she wipes away those tears. And tightened the scarf around her. She was going to walk away from all the shirk and infatutaion. She was going to live for Her Creator, Who had given her another chance.


She locked the door and began to walk in the silent, cold night. With each step she was leaving behind her wasted past. She was doing it for Allah. She was walking away.


*Because your peace of mind and stillness of heart must be based on your relationship with God, and not the world or anyone or anything in it. If you are right with God, you are right.*

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