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Is it wrong to cry over the deceased? Question Please clarify if someone cannot control his tears while remembering his beloved child who has passed away, is there anything wrong with this? I have read that when tears flow, it is a kind of mercy from Allah and it is not haram. Answer Crying over a deceased is certainly allowed. There were numerous instances wherein Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) himself cried over a deceased or someone who was in the throes of death. Among them are the following: 1) Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (radiyallahu ‘anhu) says, “We visited Abu Sayf, the blacksmith, with Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). He was the father of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim [the son of Nabi -sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam-]. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) held Ibrahim, kissed him and smelt him. Then later we visited him when Ibrahim was breathing his last. The eyes of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) began to flow with tears. Sayyiduna ‘Abdur Rahman ibn ‘Awf (radiyallahu ‘anhu) asked [out of astonishment], ‘Even you, O Rasulullah!’ [Why are you crying?] Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘O Ibn ‘Awf, it is mercy.’ Then more tears followed and he said, ‘The eye weeps and the heart grieves and we say nothing except what pleases our Rabb. O Ibrahim, we are grieved at your departure.” (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith: 1303 and Sahih Muslim, Hadith: 2315 with variation in the wording) 2) Sayyiduna Usamah ibn Zayd (radiyallahu ‘anhu) reports, “The daughter [Zaynab -radiyallahu ‘anha] of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) sent a message to him saying, ‘One of my sons is in the throes of death, so come.’ He sent his greetings to her and said, ‘Indeed what Allah takes is his and what He gives is his. Everything has a fixed term with Him, so she should adopt patience and anticipate reward.’ She again sent for him taking an oath that he should certainly come. He got up with Sa’d ibn ‘Ubadah, Mu’adh ibn Jabal, Ubayy ibn Ka’b, Zayd ibn Thabit and some other men (radiyallahu ‘anhum).The child was brought to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and he was shuddering. (I think he said, “Like an old water skin.”). Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)’s eyes began flowing with tears. Sa’d (radiyallahu ‘anhu) said, ‘O Rasulullah, what is this?’ He said, ‘This is mercy which Allah has put in the hearts of His slaves. Allah is merciful to His slaves who are merciful [to others].” (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith: 1284 and Sahih Muslim, Hadith: 923) 3) Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar (radiyallahu ‘anhuma) reports, “Sa’d ibn ‘Ubadah fell ill. So Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), came to visit him with ‘Abdur Rahman ibn ‘Awf, Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas and ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (radiyallahu ‘anhum). When he arrived, he found him surrounded by his family and asked, ‘Has he passed away?’ They said, ‘No, O Rasulullah’. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) then began to weep. When the people saw Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) weeping, they also wept. Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) then said, ‘Listen, Allah does not punish for the tears of the eyes nor for the sorrow of the heart, but he punishes or shows mercy on account of this,’ and he pointed to his tongue” (Sahih Muslim, Hadith: 924 and Sahih Bukhari, with slight addition in the wording, Hadith: 1304) The above narrations illustrate the permissibility of crying over a deceased as well as when remembering the deceased. However wailing and screaming has been prohibited, as explained in the following Hadiths: 1) Sayyiduna ‘Umar (radiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “The deceased is punished in his grave for the wailing done over him.” (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith: 1292 and Sahih Muslim, Hadith: 927) 2) Sayyiduna ‘Umar (radiyallahu ‘anhu) said, Leave [the daughters of Khalid ibn Walid -radiyallahu ‘anhu] to cry over him, as long as they do not throw sand on their heads or shout. (Sub heading of Sahih Bukhari, before Hadith: 1291) And Allah Ta’ala Knows best. Answered by: Moulana Suhail Motala Approved by: Moulana Muhammad Abasoomar Checked by: Moulana Haroon Abasoomar hadithanswers
Grief & Happiness – A Test By Shaykhul-Hadīth, Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh If we carefully reflect on our lives, we will realise that we all experience moments of both grief and happiness. One will never experience only grief or only happiness throughout his life. Every human being from the time of Sayyidunā Ādam ‘alayhis salām till today will have experienced both grief and happiness and this will be the case for every person to come till the last day. After moments, days, weeks or months of grief, Allāh ta‘ālā changes the situation and one finds himself enjoying happiness. Similarly after a period of happiness, be it short or long, a person will experience some grief. Happiness and Grief: Samples of Jannah and Jahannam One of the wisdoms behind creating grief and happiness and making us experience both is that after spending time in this world, a person will depart for the Hereafter where there is Jannah and Jahannam. The characteristic of Jannah is eternal comfort and happiness, whilst the characteristic of Jahannam is eternal hardship and grief. This world, however, bears the characteristics of both Jannah and Jahannam. The grief and happiness experienced here is, in effect, a sample of the eternal and unimaginable grief or happiness to come in the Hereafter. When one is struck with any condition that brings grief, for example illness and poverty, one should understand that this is merely a sample of the grief of the Hereafter. Allāh ta‘ālā puts His servants in this grief as a reminder that if they are unable to bear the limited and temporary grief of this world, then how will they bear the everlasting grief of Jahannam? Similarly, Allāh ta‘ālā gives one the taste of happiness, so that one can reflect and acknowledge that if temporary bounties of this world can bring such happiness, then what about the happiness acquired through the inconceivable bounties of Jannah. They serve as reminders for us to try our utmost to safeguard ourselves from the everlasting grief and strive to acquire the everlasting happiness of the Hereafter. Happiness and Grief: Tests from Allāh ta‘ālā Happiness and grief are both tests from Allāh ta‘ālā. Everything that we experience in this world either brings happiness or grief. Life is a blessing which results in happiness. The birth of a child or recovery of a loved one after being on the brink of death are certainly sources of happiness. On the other hand, losing a loved one is a source of grief. Everything in this world has a life and a death. Prosperity in business is life, whilst bankruptcy is its death. Honour and reputation is life, whilst humiliation and disgrace is its death. Similarly health is life, whilst illness is its death. Allāh ta‘ālā has created these two conditions to test His servants, to see whether the servant is patient and persevering when struck with grief and whether he is grateful when blessed with happiness. Causes Behind Afflictions It is important to understand that there isn’t always a single cause behind the afflictions and trials one experiences. When someone is struck with a calamity, the general tendency is to assume that it is a punishment from Allāh ta‘ālā as a consequence of the person’s sins. This is not always the case. No one has the right to be suspicious about someone else’s internal condition. The causes of afflictions can be good as well as bad. Those afflicted fall into one of three categories: 1. The afflicted is not content with the Decree of Allāh ta‘ālā and complains saying things like, ‘Why did this happen to me? What have I done to deserve this?’ This is a sign that the calamity is a punishment from Allāh ta‘ālā. 2. The afflicted is content with the Decree of Allāh ta‘ālā and exercises patience despite the discomfort. This is a sign that the calamity is a blessing and that the sins of the afflicted are being forgiven. Alhamdulillāh, majority of the Muslims find themselves in this category when afflicted. 3. The afflicted not only observes patience and refrains from complaining but also shows gratitude to Allāh ta‘ālā for having saved him from something worse. When afflicted with an illness, for instance, he will remain thankful for being able to walk, see and hear. When his wealth is taken away from him, he thanks Allāh ta‘ālā for having protected his life. This is a sign that the one afflicted is a very special servant of Allāh ta‘ālā and the affliction is a means of elevating his status. Immense Reward for Sabr In light of the above, one should remember that grief is a test from Allāh ta‘ālā and one should bear it with patience; and true patience is to accept the Decision of Allāh ta‘ālā wholeheartedly. For such people are glad tidings and immense reward. Allāh ta‘ālā says, We will most definitely test you with some fear and hunger, and loss in wealth, lives and fruits. And give glad tidings to the patient ones, those who when afflicted with an adversity say, ‘Indeed, to Allāh we belong and indeed, to Him we will return. (2:155-156) Indeed, the patient ones will be given their reward in full without measure. (39:10) Three Components of Shukr (Gratitude) Another test from Allāh ta‘ālā is that of blessings and bounties which result in happiness. Allāh ta‘ālā desires to see shukr from those blessed with his favours. And this shukr comprises of three parts: 1. Firstly, one needs to acknowledge with the heart and mind that one was not deserving of the blessings and bounties he enjoys. One should never feel that any bounty was a result of one’s effort and striving. Although such a thought does not usually arise regarding the bounties granted by Allāh ta‘ālā directly, such as the eyes and ears; but thoughts like these can occur with regard to bounties that apparently seem to have been acquired through one’s efforts. Wealth and knowledge are examples of such bounties. If the mind happens to think this way, then one should repel this thought by asking questions such as, ‘Who gave me the ability to strive in the first place? What about those who are more intelligent and able in this field than me?’ Moreover, one should always remember that Allāh ta‘ālā is capable of taking away the blessing in a split of a second if He wills. 2. Secondly, one should declare with the tongue what one has acknowledged with the heart and mind and thereafter, thank Him and praise Him saying, ‘Allāhumma lakal-hamdu wa lakash-shukr’ (O Allāh! For You is all praise and for You is all gratitude). One should also acknowledge that he can never praise Allāh ta‘ālā for His Blessings as He deserves to be praised. Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam supplicated: لَا أُحْصِيْ ثَـنَاءً عَلَيْكَ، أَنْتَ كَمَا أَثْـنَـيْتَ عَلٰى نَفْسِكَ I cannot truly praise You; You are as You have praised Yourself. (Ibn Mājah) 3. Thirdly, one should refrain from utilising the Bounties of Allāh ta‘ālā in disobeying Him. The eyes, the ears, the tongue, wealth, health, knowledge and every bounty Allāh ta‘ālā has blessed us with should never be utilised in disobedience to Him. Only then can one be regarded truly grateful to Allāh ta‘ālā. Patience and Gratitude: Two Doors of Jannah Sabr (patience) in times of grief and shukr (gratitude) in times of happiness are both means of entering Jannah. Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has said, How wonderful is the situation of a believer! Every situation of his is khayr (goodness) for him, and this is for no one except the believer; if he finds himself in a favourable situation, he expresses gratitude, and this is good for him; and if he is afflicted with adversity, he exercises patience, and this is good for him. (Muslim) A Beautiful Incident Regarding Shukr There is a well-known incident of Sayyidunā Dāwūd ‘alayhis salām with regards to expressing true gratitude to Allāh ta‘ālā. Whilst engaged in shukr for the Blessings of Allāh ta‘ālā, he was inspired with a wonderful thought, ‘The tawfīq of shukr upon blessings granted by Allāh ta‘ālā is also a blessing from Him. Therefore, it is necessary to express shukr for this also.’ Upon engaging in shukr a second time, the same thought occurred again, so he carried out shukr for a third time. He then thought, ‘The tawfīq to express gratitude for a third time is yet another blessing.’ Now Sayyidunā Dāwūd ‘alayhis salām thought to himself that this is a never-ending cycle. Every shukr will always be a new blessing upon which another shukr will be necessary. Therefore, it is impossible to fulfil the responsibility of doing shukr. Sayyidunā Dāwūd ‘alayhis salām was compelled to say: O my Rabb! How can I be [truly] grateful to You when my shukr to You is also a blessing from You upon me? Upon this, Allāh ta‘ālā said, O Dāwūd! Now you have expressed (true) gratitude to Me. May Allāh ta‘ālā grant us the tawfīq to adopt the beautiful qualities of sabr and shukr. Āmīn. Extracted from Riyāḍul Jannah, Vol. 29 No. 7, 2020 © Riyādul Jannah
Hazrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi (rahmatullahi ‘alaih) once mentioned the following to a person who was overcome by depression and grief: What is the need for such worry and grief? When a person is overcome by depression and grief, I generally advise them to engage in a certain muraaqabah (meditation). This meditation is a cure for all types of depression, worries and anxieties. The method of this meditation is for one to always reflect and ponder over the fact that “Allah Ta‘ala loves me and wants the best for me”. In the Qur’aan Majeed, Allah Ta‘ala says that He is the true friend and guardian of the believers. Hence, Allah Ta‘ala always decides the best for His servant. If any person experiencing depression and grief engages in this muraaqabah, then he will find that all his worries and anxieties will come to an end. An example through which this muraaqabah can be understood is the love of the mother for the child. Every child believes that his mother loves him and wants what is best for him. Despite this, the mother still does certain things that outwardly seem unpleasant to the child. In some instances, she even reprimands and disciplines the child. However, even though the child gets scolded by the mother, the child feels satisfied that his mother has the utmost love for him, and that whatever she is doing is for his benefit. (Malfoozaat Hakeemul Ummat 8/352)
The Effective Cure for Depression and Worry عن عبد الله قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : ما قال عبد قط إذا أصابه هم وحزن : اللهم إني عبدك وابن عبدك ابن أمتك ناصيتي بيدك ماض في حكمك عدل في قضاؤك أسألك بكل اسم هو لك سميت به نفسك أو أنزلته في كتابك أو علمته أحدا من خلقك أو استأثرت به في علم الغيب عندك أن تجعل القرآن ربيع قلبي ونور صدري وجلاء حزني وذهاب همي إلا أذهب الله عز وجل همه وأبدله مكان حزنه فرحا قالوا : يا رسول الله ينبغي لنا أن نتعلم هؤلاء الكلمات قال : أجل ينبغي لمن سمعهن أن يتعلمهن (مسند أحمد رقم 4318) Hazrat ‘Abdullah bin Mas‘ood (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “If any servant of Allah Ta‘ala is afflicted by worry and grief and recites the following du‘aa, Allah Ta‘ala will remove his worry and replace his grief with happiness: اَللَّهُمَّ إِنِّيْ عَبْدُكَ وَابْنُ عَبْدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِكَ نَاصِيَتِيْ بِيَدِكَ مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤُكَ أَسْأَلُكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أَوْ أَنْزَلْتَهُ فِيْ كِتَابِكَ أَوْ عَلَّمْتَهُ أَحَدًا مِنْ خَلْقِكَ أَوِ اسْتَأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِيْ عِلْمِ الْغَيْبِ عِنْدَكَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ الْقُرْآنَ رَبِيْعَ قَلْبِيْ وَنُوْرَ صَدْرِيْ وَجِلَاءَ حُزْنِيْ وَذَهَابَ هَمِّيْ “O Allah, I am Your slave, the son of Your slave, the son of Your slave woman. My forelock is in Your hand and control, Your decree will surely prevail over me, Your judgment in dealing with me is full of justice. I beg of You through the medium of every name of Yours with which You have named Yourself or You have revealed in Your Book or which You taught to any one of Your creation (e.g. any of the Ambiyaa (‘alaihis salaam)) or which You have kept hidden within Your knowledge, that You make the Holy Qur’aan the source of comfort (and happiness) for my heart, and the light of my chest, and the means of removing my grief and sorrow, and the means of removing my worry.” The Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) then asked, “O Rasul of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam)! Should we learn these words of du‘aa?” Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) replied, “Yes! The one who hears these words of du‘aa should learn them.” Source: Whatisislam