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Put Your Phone Away and Pay Attention to Your Kids Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — Written by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. on May 17, 2016 This psychologist is worried. It seems that everywhere I go a sizable number of the parents are ignoring their kids. At the grocery store: Mom is pushing one child in the cart. Two others are hanging onto the sides — when they’re not running up and down the aisles. Where’s Mom? In an animated discussion on the phone. At a local playground: Kids playing are pleading with Mom to look at them. Their mom barely looks up. She’s on the phone. At the mall food court: I see far too many tables where kids are eating fries and their folks are on the phone. At a high school football game. Yup. A dad misses his kid’s big play. Why? He’s on his phone. Not everyone is guilty of putting their phone ahead of their kids, of course. And sometimes, I’m sure, the parents on the phone are dealing with an emergency or monitoring kids left at home. But it’s happening enough that it has me concerned. Below are five reasons to put those phones away: Providing positive attention when kids are doing positive things builds a strong value system and positive self-esteem. Responding with enthusiasm to their attempts to master new things ensures that the kids will keep trying. The “look at me’s” you hear on the playground and in your kitchen are your kids asking for your approval and encouragement. When you do look, really look, and smile and wave, the kids soak it up. They try again. They push themselves to the next level. Giving kids positive attention also puts a big deposit in their emotional bank. When kids know that their folks think they have what it takes to handle life’s problems, they develop confidence in their ability to take on life’s challenges. When parents put their phones down (or turn off the TV or shut down their computer) and talk to them seriously about what they are doing, their skills grow and their self-confidence blossoms. Later, when those same kids hit the inevitable troubles of life, they will have what it takes to cope. Babies light up when bigger people make eye contact and talk directly to them. They are taking in the rhythm and sounds of our voices. They are learning the words for the things and people of their world. They are learning how those words get strung together. Television doesn’t help children learn language. It’s too passive. They need to experience the give and take that comes with interacting with another warm, caring human being. Parking them in front of even the best children’s TV is no substitute for the give and take that goes on between even babies and their parents. Many parents are amazed when their little one suddenly moves from saying one and two words at a time to a full sentence. “Where did that come from?” they ask. It came from listening to adults who talked to them, not around them because they’re on the phone. Conversation builds brain power. Little kids’ brains are sponges. The more we talk to them, the more their brains absorb. Even children who are far too young to carry on a real conversation are taking in far more than adults may realize. Parents who talk to their kids with complicated sentences are setting them up for success in school and in life. One and two word answers don’t do it. Commands don’t do it. A momentary break in your phone conversation to acknowledge them doesn’t do it either. Kids need to hear language used to describe and explain their world. That’s one of the many good reasons to read to children. It’s not just for the entertainment of the stories. It’s also an important way for them to hear and take in the richness of language. Our kids need our first priority to be our relationships with them, not with our phones. Children learn how to be with other people and how to love by being with people who love them, teach them, encourage and comfort them. Contrary to conventional wisdom, quality time is not a substitute for regular moments of interest, talk, and participation in their lives. Yes, quality time has a certain special quality. We all remember big celebrations, vacations, or trips to the zoo. But those days are special because they are rare. For kids to grow, they need us to be curious about their experiences and to comment on what is going on around us in an ongoing way. I love my phone as much as the next person. I love that it helps me stay regularly connected with my extended family. I find it reassuring that my kids can always reach me. I stay in touch with far-flung friends, former students, and family members through Facebook and tweets. I check the weather, glance at headlines and Google information.There’s no way I want to go back to the old days with a party line on the one phone in the house. But kids need us to remember that when we are with them, we need to put our phones away (and confiscate theirs). Providing kids with direct attention and interested conversation is one of the most important responsibilities of parenting. https://psychcentral.com/lib/put-your-phone-away-and-pay-attention-to-your-kids#6
Family Day Out One day out of the many days of life. A man was traveling with his Wife and Kids. On the way, he met someone standing in the roadway. So he asked him: Who are you? He said: I am Money The man asked his wife and kids : Should we ask him to ride with us? They said together: Yes, of course, because money can help us if we want to do something, and get anything we wish for. So, they took Money to ride with them. And the vehicle continued on its way until the man met someone else on the road. The Father asked: Who are you? He said: I am high Position and Power So, the father asked his wife and kids : Should we ask him to ride with us? They all answered in one voice: Yes, of course, because with high position and power we will have the ability to do anything we want and own anything we desire. The man took high Position and Power along and the vehicle went ahead. Further ahead they came across many more people who offered to add joy and comfort to their trip, and with the advice of the family, the man kept allowing them to accompany him. Yet again the vehicle was stopped by someone who wanted to give them company. The Father asked: Who are you? He said: I am Deen. The man, his wife, and the kids said in one voice: No, this isn't the time; we are looking for pleasures on this trip, and Deen will prevent us from joy; it will have control over us, and we will suffer listening to it and being loyal to it. So the man said:Deen, please wait and rest assured we will definitely return soon to you, and pick you up. Sadly Deen was left behind and the vehicle continued its trip. And out of no where something appeared in the middle of the road STOP!!! They found someone asking the father to get out of the vehicle.. He said to the father: As far as you are concerned the trip has ended!!! ! Get out of the vehicle and come with me. The father was shocked with fear and didn't say a word. Deen alone can come with you. Is he there with you? The father answered: No, but I have left him not too far behind. If you can let me go back, I can get Deen in no time. There is no going back from here. Huh! said the man. I have my Money, Position and Power, my Wife, and my Kids, The man said to him: They will not benefit you; nor will they protect you. So, the father asked: And who are you exactly? I am Death. the one you were quite heedless of and didn't take into account on your trip!! The father looked back at his vehicle; he found his wife taking control of it and continuing the trip with all of its passengers but him. 'Say: If it be that your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your mates, or your kindred; the wealth that ye have gained; the commerce in which ye fear a decline: or the dwellings in which ye delight - are dearer to you than Allah, or His Messenger, or the striving in His cause;- then wait until Allah brings about His decision: and Allah guides not the rebellious.' Qur'an 9:24 'Every soul shall have a taste of death: And only on the Day of Judgment shall you be paid your full recompense. Only he who is saved far from the Fire and admitted to the Garden will have attained the object (of Life): For the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception.' Qur'an 3:185 Let us remember, our journey may end any moment and let us make sure that our Deen is there with us. https://www.muftisays.com/blog/abu+mohammed/235_26-03-2010/family-day-out.html