When Patience Is Tested in Marriage

[ummtaalib]

Q. When the limits of patience in marriage feel tested, what should a spouse do? Should one respond with anger and conflict, or should one choose Sabr (patience)?

 

A. Marriage in Islam is meant to be a relationship of peace, tranquility, and harmony – sukoon, mawaddah, and rahmah – as described by Allah Ta‘ala in the Qur’aan. This beautiful state is achieved when both husband and wife strive to follow the commands of Allah Ta‘ala and the teachings of Rasulullah ﷺ, moulding their home upon the example of the noble life of Nabi Muhammad ﷺ.

 

A home built on the Sunnah invites barakah. Reciting the du‘aas when entering and leaving the home, engaging in daily ta‘leem, regular tilaawat of the Qur’aan, and making salaah a priority – all these chases away shaytaan and draw the angels of mercy. Without salaah, a Muslim’s compass becomes distorted, and this affects the peace of the entire household.

 

Spouses should also share simple acts of love: eating from the same utensils, reminding each other of goodness, engaging in zikrullah during daily activities, and encouraging one another to maintain closeness to Allah Ta‘ala. When gaining the pleasure of Allah becomes the mutual goal, then hearts naturally unite. The spouses become best friends, true partners, and their marriage becomes filled with mawaddah (love), muhabbah (affection), and Sukoon (peace and tranquility).

 

With such a foundation, any bumps or challenges that arise in the marriage are faced with maturity, calmness, and sweetness rather than harshness. Arguments become rare, and even when they occur, they are dealt with gracefully.

 

It is also important that spouses communicate openly, be transparent, approachable, and comforting to one another. Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur’aan-e-Kareem: “Your spouses are a garment for you as you are for them.” Just as clothes protect, comfort, and beautify, so too must husband and wife be a means of ease and warmth for each other.

 

What to Do When an Argument or Disagreement Happens:

 

Despite all efforts, it is natural that misunderstandings may appear. When this happens, Islam teaches a simple and wise approach:

 

1. One party must remain silent.
Two people shouting do not solve a problem. Only shout when there is a fire.

 

2. Allow the moment to calm down.
Do not discuss or solve the issue while emotions are high.

 

3. After things settle, approach the matter with gentleness.
Speak kindly, explain calmly, and seek to resolve the issue with a fresh and happy state of mind.

 

4. Never go to bed with unresolved conflict.
The Sahabah and the pious elders would ensure their affairs—especially between spouses—were settled before sleeping. Our homes should follow this noble example.

By following these principles, Allah Ta‘ala will bless the marriage with true peace. Patience then becomes sweet, not bitter, strength, not weakness.

May Allah Ta‘ala grant you – and all married couples – the true spirit, blessings, and fruits of Nikah as outlined in the Qur’aan and demonstrated by the life of Rasulullah ﷺ.

 

And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

 

Mufti Muhammed Hamza Farooqui

Mufti Taahir Hansa

 

(The answer hereby given is specifically based on the question asked and should be read together with the question asked. Islamic rulings on this Q&A newsletter are answered in accordance to the Hanafi Fiqh unless otherwise stated.) 

 

 

Fatwa Department
Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) 
Council of Muslim Theologians