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Advice to Mothers-in-Law - By Hadhrat Moulana Abdul Hamid Is`haq Saheb (Daamat Barakaatuhum)

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Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
 
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1.  Bear in mind, that your daughter-in-law is a human being with aspirations and feelings. She has made a great sacrifice to come and spend the rest of her life, with your son, and take on the responsibilities and duties of a wife. Treat her like your own daughter. Remember when you were a daughter-in-law. As you desired to be treated, treat her. Remove any jealousy which may creep into the heart,  now that someone else has become a great part of your son’s life, whilst you had brought him up with great pain.
 
 
2. Give gifts to her. This will create love between you and your daughter-in-law.
 
 
3. Do not demand control of your son’s money. It is for him to use in an appropriate manner.
 
 
4. Never compare your daughter-in-law with another, or with your daughters. Every person is different and has different abilities. Look at the good in everyone.
 
 
5. Overlook faults and errors. As a young wife and daughter-in-law, there will be inexperience and naiveté. In all likelihood, if you were to look back to the early days of your marriage, it may be that the same errors were also made.
 
 
6. If she lives with you, do not expect her to do everything in the house. However, if the kitchen is one, some ‘Ulama have stated that it will be better if the mother-in-law hands the running of the kitchen over completely to her daughter-in-law, that is, if she is happy to accept this responsibility. If not, then rather have turns in the kitchen, because generally problems start in the kitchen. Everyone’s ways and methods are different.
 

7. Think before you speak. What you say to your daughter, you cannot say to your daughter-in-law, since your daughter has natural love for you whereas your daughter-in-law’s love for you will have to be nurtured. Even if she errs, be careful as to how you correct her. Sometimes, even a wrong word, however innocent it may be, could cause problems. Some people are of sensitive dispositions, which then make situations, delicate.
 

8. Do not discuss your one daughter-in-law with the other or discuss them with your own sisters, daughters or best friends. If a secret cannot stay in your mouth, how do you expect it to remain in someone else’s? Discussing with others is just looking for problems. If you have a problem, speak directly to the one concerned.
 

9. Learn from your mistakes. If you have once said something that created a problem, make sure you do not repeat it.
 

10. Be simple. No one is perfect. Do not be unnecessarily fussy about things that are not really a life-or-death situation.
 

11. Be generous in praising her cooking, baking, etc. even though it is not up-to your standards.

 


12. Never drag your daughter-in-law into any disagreement between yourself and your son. If you are upset with your son for any reason, there is no need to pass the message via your daughter-in-law or get upset with her. Speak directly to your son.
 
 

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