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Bint e Aisha, October 12 in Urdu
The causes of marriage of Muslim girls with non-Muslim boys and its prevention
If you are present in a civil and gracious gathering and an old man arrives who is wearing a skullcap, the colour of which is just like that of red chilli. His shirt is dark green in colour and dhoti is yellow just like turmeric, then that man would probably be the centre of attention for everyone. And it is not far fetched that some people would start doubting his mental health. The reason is not that such three-coloured dresses are prohibited by law or religion but because all three components of dress do not match and complement each other in terms of colour. That's why upon seeing such a man, it will come to mind that this is an uncivilized man from some rural area or he is not mentally fit. Therefore good taste demands that a man wears clothes which compliment each other.
Similarly there is another dress which a man selects for himself for his entire life. This dress refers to the lifetime companionship which he will acquire after nikah. The Qur'an has declared that husband and wife are dress for each other. هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ۬ لَّكُمۡ وَأَنتُمۡ لِبَاسٌ۬ لَّهُنَّۗ (al-Baqarah 187) because the dress is a secret keeper for the body of human and conceals its weaknesses. It is a companion of winter and summer. It protects him from hotness, cold and rain and it is also a cause of beauty for his body. The husband and wife should also treat each other in the same manner. They should also conceal each others flaws. They should comfort and remain with each other in good and bad times. They should serve as a means of dignity and honour for each other through their personality and character. Therefore just like it is important to look for matching and complimentary characteristics while selecting a dress, similarly while selecting the dress of your life i.e. your spouse, it is important to look for these matching features.
Referring to the same thing, Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم said that a man sometimes marries a woman for her dignified lineage, sometimes he looks at her wealth and property amd sometimes he sees her beauty and charm. All these criterias do not ensure success. The fourth criteria is her religious commitment and Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم has guaranteed success for those who use this yardstick. (Sahih Bukhari, Hadeeth number 4700)
So the biggest yardstick for a Muslim is righteousness and character. A religiously committed husband cannot love and cannot attain contentment and satisfaction from a non-religious wife and vice versa. Therefore it is encouraged to look for righteousness when selecting a spouse.
Though it has not been declared wajib, but it has been encouraged because it is possible that a strayed person can come back to the right path and a sinner Muslim can become righteous. However when the difference is not religiousness but religion in itself, meaning husband believes in one religion and the wife believes in another religion. One does not prostrate before anyone except God, and another prostrates and bow down before every creation then how can they develop understanding with each other? It is possible that in their emotions, two people belonging to different religions can marry each other. However when time will pass and their love will start diminishing, distance will increase, both will start thinking about going back to their real life. They will dispute about children and both will desire that their children start following the religion they believe in. Their children's marriage issues will also be very difficult, because no one from both societies will desire to accommodate them and they will get alienated by both paternal and maternal relatives.
The fundamental wisdom behind this command is that it is important for the sustainability and stability of their marriage and for the pleasant relationship amongst the spouses that the husband and wife should have harmony in their thoughts, beliefs and practices. If this harmony does not exist, it will give rise to hatred and the purpose of nikah will not get achieved. Therefore Muslims have always adopted this attitude that they have always been on the forefront in their tolerance, brotherhood and love with non-Muslims. They have progressed in economy, trade and politics in each others companionship. However they have maintained their identity in the case of marriage and they have protected their family's internal environment from strange foreigners. Therefore the environment of their home remained Islamic. Just imagine that your whole family is taking benefit from the blessings of Ramadhan; everyone is fasting during the day and is busy in doing dhikr and reciting the Qur'an, nights are spent in taraweeh and tahajjud, sehri is being eaten before dawn, Allah is being invoked in du'as and on the other hand your daughter in law or your son in law is not familiar with prayer, they aquire the pleasure of food during the day and spend their nights singing bhajan (devotional songs and hymns) so how can they adjust themselves in this house?
Alas! This awareness has been declining and the incidents of Muslim and non-Muslim marriage have been increasing. Previously the incidents of marriage of Muslim boys and non-Muslim girls were heard. Obviously this is also not allowed in the Islamic law, but the matter has now gone beyond that. The incidents of Muslim girls going out with non-Muslim boys are increasing. In the past such one or two cases would shake the whole society but when the people of a particular area become used to earthquakes, then these earthquakes stop elevating their heart beats. Similar situation is seen in the Muslim society, it seems like people have become used to hearing such cases. The reality is that it is a very important social issue. It is necessary to ponder over this matter seriously and to find solutions of this problem with wisdom and insight, otherwise it will become difficult to keep the religious identity of the next generation intact. After 1967 several Palestinians were given refuge in America and Britain, a significant number of Turks got residence in Germany. Through planning, the Islamic honour was removed from the hearts of these immigrants. They were got convinced regarding the inter-religion marriages and now the situation is that they have now lost their identity.
It cannot even be imagined upon seeing those people that their ancestors were Muslims, Arabs or Turks. Do we also want to suffer from the same situation in this country? Apparently their are three main causes of marriage with non-Muslim girls: first extravagance in marriages, second: the academic incompetence of Muslim boys, third: coeducation. The extravagance in marriages has so much increased that now layperson's marriage is defeating the marriages of the past kings and nawabs. The rich people have made it a means of showing off their money. The middle class people sometimes get forced to sell off their properties due to this. And if the weak class is away from religion, then they start thinking of ways to get rid of their children, whether they enter a Muslim's house or a non-Muslim's. Until and unless the rich people of the society start adopting simplicity, there is no chance of seeing any sort of change in this condition. Therefore it is necessary that just like in instances of natural afflictions, the campaigns of help and rescue are launched, similarly for introducing simplicity in marriages, Ulama and Mashaikh, social and political leaders, journalists and intellectuals, religious organizations and parties should start a campaign and they should knock on people's doors and encourage them to conduct their marriages in a simple way.
The academic situation is that girls are making progress in education and it seems like boys have commenced their journey towards decline. The result is that the educated girls do not find their equal match. In the present condition it is not possible to force the girls that they abandon education, especially in these circumstances when efforts are being made to give them 50% share in all fields of life. In this condition, if Muslim girls give up education then these 50% seats will automatically be acquired by others without any effort. And then the competition which is present in the acquisition of education, especially the facilities being offered to girls, after this your advices in this regard will not bear any fruitful results. Therefore it is important to develop this attitide in boys that they start progressing in the academic struggle. If this awareness is developed in all Muslim homes then it will not happen that equal match is not available for young educated girls. Secondly it is important to nurture the wisdom and insight of these educated girls that for a Muslim, the main cause of pride is his being a man of iman, not his being more educated or more wealthy, because education and wealth are not enough; Iman is extra precious jewel. For a Muslim girl nothing can be more disgusting from the state that she has made such a man her companion of life who lacks iman.
The third cause of these incidents is "coeducation". The free mixing of girls and boys is destructive not only in terms of moral values, but it is also harmful on the basis of learning psychology. But alas! the educational institutions which are under the administration of Muslims, they too very proudly declare that they have "coeducation". This education system is not only harmful significantly for the Muslims but also for the whole Indian society. Therefore it is the responsibility of Muslims that they establish more and more separate institutions for girls and boys at least upto the level of junior college, and if it is not possible to establish separate professional colleges then atleast temporary partition (wall) should be kept in classrooms that separates the places of seats of girls and boys. Also in Muslim areas efforts should be made to convince the Government to establish girls schools and colleges. It is the blessing of Allah that currently in most small and big cities, Muslims are establishing educational institutions. If all Muslims decide that above the level of primary schools, they will make available separate institutions for girls and boys then it is an estimate that 50% Muslim girls and boys will inshaAllah be protected from the harms of coeducation.
Though there are also other causes of these unpleasant incidents, but they become the cause of one or two incidents. These three causes are more important and it is necessary that Muslims ponder on this and the nurturers of Ummah should find out the solutions of this indescribable situation with complete seriousness, lest our today's negligence will become the cause of tomorrow's flood and then it will not be possible to hold back the water with dams.
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